A boy or an abortion: how in the Caucasus and in Asia some get rid of unborn girls
'05.12.2018'
Source: Present Tense
Patriarchal societies require women to give birth to boys, and girls are often considered second-class. It happens that mothers who give birth to girls are beaten, and fathers are called “bunglers”.
In the 90s, when the child’s sex began to be determined early, selective abortions began to spread in such societies: some families began to get rid of unwanted girls. This led to a gender imbalance, writes Present Tense.
According to the UN, in the countries of South, Southeast and Central Asia the difference between the number of men and women is at least 170 million. Difficult gender situation in the Caucasus.
In Azerbaijan, 100 boys account for 114 girls, 112 in Armenia, and 109 in Georgia. In this case, the norm is 100 girls on 106 boys.
Kifayat, Bavakan, Kistaman ...
There is a tradition in Azerbaijan - at a wedding, the groom's brother ties a red ribbon to the bride as a symbol of the fact that she was a virgin before the wedding. Then he says the phrase “Yeddi ogul isterem birce dene gız gəlin” - “I wish you seven sons and one daughter-in-law”. Also, the second, third or fourth daughters can be given the name Gyzbyasti, Kifayat or Yetiar, which means “enough girls”.
In Armenia, when the bride is brought to the groom's house, she is given gifts, and then a small child is given in her arms - usually a boy, so that she gives birth to a son for her family. Unwanted girls are given the name Bavakan here - “enough”.
In Dagestan, such daughters are called Kistaman (“enough girls”) or Ulangerek (“give me a boy”). There are proverbs here - "It would be better if you gave me a stone" or "At the birth of a daughter, the corners of the room narrow, at the birth of a son, the ceiling beams rise by one inch."
Present Tense tells the stories of some women who decided on an abortion, having learned that they will have a girl.
"I'm a killer too"
When Amina Aliyeva, 30-year-old from Azerbaijan, learned that she was pregnant for the third time with a girl, her family ordered her to get rid of the child.
“We went to find out the sex of the child with my mother-in-law and husband. When the doctor said it was a girl, it was like the end of the world for them. They said I should have an abortion, ”she says.
Amina was persuaded to have an abortion even by her gynecologist. In response to the disagreement of the woman, the husband threatened with a divorce and said that he would achieve that he himself would raise his daughters. Amina eventually agreed. At the same time, she believes that the abortion carried out on the 15 week was illegal, since according to Azerbaijani legislation, the operation can be done before the 12 week.
“These killers cut off my child's arms and legs. But I'm a killer too. We have committed the greatest sin in the world. All of us - mother, father and grandmother - we killed a helpless creature like savages, ”says Amina.
"Kicks on the stomach"
Elnaz Javadova, 30-year-old from Azerbaijan, has two daughters. But giving birth to her was a great challenge. As soon as the sex of the unborn child became known, the husband and mother-in-law demanded an abortion. And every time Elnaz refused to do this, her husband beat her.
“Bill is still putting it mildly. He kicked him on the stomach, broke the leg of a chair - hit it on the lower back to cause a miscarriage. But, glory to Allah, they survived and were born completely healthy, ”she says.
According to Elnaz, the sex of the children became known only on the 5-6 month of pregnancy, so the doctors refused to have an abortion:
“The husband brought them a lot of money for the doctors to agree to have an abortion. But the doctors didn't even let me get close. They said that I could die and that they would not take such a sin on their souls as scraping out an already formed child. "
“My mother-in-law and husband did not listen to me”
Narine lives in Gegharkunik (Armenia). Her husband works in Russia, he comes to his family once or twice a year. Every time he reminded his wife that they have two daughters, and the family needs a son. When Narine became pregnant for the third time, it turned out that this was a girl again. After that, the mother-in-law began to call her son and insist on having an abortion.
“I was 29. I was a grown woman and was a little afraid that if I had an abortion, I would not be able to get pregnant again. But my mother-in-law and husband did not listen to me. They said that "it will take 15-20 minutes and you will never remember it."
“When I look at my daughters, I can't stop thinking about their unborn sister. I blame myself for not finding the strength to protect her. ”
"I decided to have an abortion in the fifth month"
Another resident of Armenia, Tatevik, decided to have an abortion in the 5 month of pregnancy. He assures that it was only her decision.
“First they said there would be a boy. But then it turned out that it was a girl. I decided to have an abortion at the 5th month of pregnancy. It was my decision, no one forced me. Now I have a boy and I don't regret anything, ”she says.
"Husband forced to have an abortion"
According to opinion polls, 46% of families in Georgia prefer to have a child-boy and only 9% - a girl. Many women admit that at least once had an abortion in order to select the sex of the child.
“It didn't matter to me whether a girl or a boy was born. But as often happens in Georgian families, everyone wanted their firstborn to be a boy. My husband was against the birth of a girl and forced me to have an abortion, ”says Oia.
“The eldest in the family must be a boy”
A Georgian resident Teona says: when her own sister was expecting a child, everyone was happy, and her husband’s relatives even picked up the name of the boy. But the joy lasted until the doctors announced the sex of the child.
“We found out that there will be a girl. My son-in-law's family did not like this news very much. He has very wealthy parents. They kept saying that the eldest in the family must be a boy, they said that the girl would not get anything from them, and until the boy was born, they would not help.
“They drove the son-in-law to the point that he insisted on an abortion. My sister resisted, cried, but in the end, out of fear of destroying the family, she agreed, ”Teona recalls.
"I do not regret that I terminated that pregnancy"
The 34-year-old Maryam from Makhachkala has four children. She married in 18, immediately after graduation. In 19 gave birth to the eldest daughter.
“When we were told at the ultrasound that there would be a girl, my husband was very upset. He said that the son should be the eldest in the family. All hoped that the doctor was mistaken and that the child would still grow a “bell”. But a daughter was born. He, of course, immediately fell in love with her, but continued to want the boy. His mother-in-law reassured him: "First the nanny, then the lyalka." Like, the boy will be the second, ”says Maryam.
When she got pregnant the second time, it turned out that it was girls again.
“Already at the first ultrasound, we learned that there would be twins. I remember my husband then said: "Well, at least one will definitely be a boy." When we were told that these were two girls, he almost went crazy. He was angry with me: “You cannot give birth to a boy”. I even reminded him of a school biology course: the sex of a child depends on male chromosomes. But he did not want to listen to anything, accused me of not being able to conceive a boy. This time, the mother-in-law was already involved, she began to say that there must be a boy in the family and that I should eat more meat so that a boy is born next time, ”says Maryam.
The third time a woman got pregnant in 25. At the 13 week, an ultrasound scan showed the girl again. Remembering past reproaches, Maryam herself decided to terminate the pregnancy.
“Now I can't say for sure - I already wanted a son myself, or my husband suggested it to me. But there were three girls at home without this one. And then I remembered all the words and reproaches addressed to me during previous pregnancies. In general, I do not regret that I ended that pregnancy. "
From the fourth time Maryam gave birth to a son.
"You can't even call daughters human"
Akmoor lives in Kyrgyzstan. Her husband always wanted a boy. When she was waiting for the fifth child, the examination showed: there will be a girl again. Husband was so upset that he left the family.
“All my friends reproached me for not having a son,” Akmoor says. - There was a lot of talk about it. After the birth of their fourth daughter, they began to say: here, again a girl.
“He drank every day, and when he came, he said that daughters were not even human. Told them not to be here anymore. I took it very hard. I didn't want to live. "
Akmoor divorced her husband. But the result of the ultrasound was wrong. Akmoor was born a boy. The former husband, having learned about it, wanted to return to the family, but she did not accept him.
“He came,” Akmoor recalls. - But I myself did not want to live with him. He did not consider his daughters to be people, but when his son was born, he suddenly wanted to make peace. And girls are people too ”.
