Life is beautiful, whatever one may say. And it turns in different ways. Therefore, we are all to one degree or another a little cuckoo: some believe in omens, others calculate the best days for a wedding in the phase of the moon and are categorically not friends with Capricorns, as well as with those who have the number four in their phone numbers. From this, they say, karma shrinks and the mood becomes "justinbiberabl" - says the writer Mila Ilkova.
I, for example, believe in numismatics. In my collection there is only one coin in denomination of twenty-five cents the year of my birth. And I want to believe that this is about money, pah-pah, I spit over my left shoulder, although I am not one of those who spit.
Numerology, astrology, UFO, the last day for filing a tax return and a neighbor Aunt Glasha. So much of everything can turn a friendly extrovert into a misanthrope and a cynic, and a woman can develop an inborn healthy pofigism to neurosis. And all because it turns out there is no suitable wedding day in the year.
After all, "in marriage" is a very, very important decision ... like suicide.
An acquaintance of mine, a ludicrous woman in her prime, is ringing me, practically Carlson with a third dimension of charm, and with the words “This is hellish lawlessness!” She nervously laughs into the phone. Not because she really wants to get married. And because mom.
Any girl lives happily until her mother decides that it is time for her daughter to become happy. And it begins. On the barricades! All hands on deck! And nothing that a friend has been living with her man for ten years. At first he didn’t want to get married, then she wasn’t given, then all dresses of the type of exploded cake were not that, then there was a lot of work and self-improvement. And suddenly her love to love one morning she sips coffee and gives out: whether or not to go to them, happy and in overalls to the house of an abbreviation of love and harmony. It was decided to exchange hands, hearts and privatize the genitals. It was rash of them to blurt out about the work clothes of her mother.
Mama in convulsive anticipation of happiness shoveled tons of waste paper. And this means that according to the calendar of the Druids, the eastern horoscope of the artichoke and the constellation Aquarius for the next two thousand years - there is no happy weekend in the year to go into marriage. It's easier to get into a binge than to say “I agree” and go stomping the dance floor.
"And not to go to the registrar" was decided last November. And here the universal injustice manifested itself.
Astrologers, psychologists, clergymen, and just some adult woman in galoshes, rummaging through the marriage calendar data, produced their verdict.
In January, Venus is in unfavorable aspects, and then half of February Mercury is retrograde. No, how do you like it? Mercury, you know, retrograden! Then again, Venus has a crisis, it passes into Aries. And then begins the Lent on the Orthodox calendar. In principle, it would be fun to get married on the twenty-ninth of February. And being officially married once every four years.
Unfortunately, there are very few favorable days for weddings in March. Fifteenth conspirators koknuli Julius Caesar. A very dangerous day for registering love in front of the state. Twentieth - solar eclipse. It would seem, then Saturday and health - for the health of the young, but the pipes! Saturday just categorically not and again not. The truth is unknown, this year or in principle. And also all Tuesdays and Thursdays.
In April - a lunar eclipse. Ten days before the eclipse and three days after are critical. And although active Venus is now in Taurus, something did not agree in numerology with the date and time of the bride's birth and the size of the groom's gas mask. And after Venus jumped to Gemini - and that's it. You should avoid getting married at a time when the planet of partnership and love Venus begins to move in the opposite direction. It is also easy to understand. Suddenly, the woman forgot to turn off the iron at home, and there the traffic jam on the Milky Way is such that oh, and movement is only possible back along the double continuous line through the constellation of the Minotaur. Plus, Great Lent continues.
And my mother is a believer. Somehow they were looking for the difference between Jewish heaps and Palm Sunday. As a result, almost quarreled on the basis of God.
To marry in May means toil. This is a well-known sign. It's good that there is only one religious calendar. And if we also take into account the Jewish holidays, Catholic, Day "Freedom to Parrots" and all workers, Thanksgiving and Chinese New Year, then oh-wei No Way - There are absolutely no days left for a happy routine, not like a wedding.
In June, Mercury is again retrograde, so the period for weddings is unsuccessful. Correction: it is possible without problems only to those couples who have a similar position of Mercury in their personal horoscope.
Bought a big mirror. I am looking for a mercury. I wait for my beloved to fall asleep and measure his mercury in a similar position.
In July, Petrov post. It is considered lax, but the wedding is better, no, no. Favorite found me Mercury. I'm happy. And then we broke the mirror and scattered the salt. We decided to speed up the omen and, skipping the part with the quarrel, immediately reconciled as a sign of disobedience to the Moonwalk and the Force of the Universe Celery.
August. Ouspensky strict fast, gastronomic Spas and in general, according to astrologers, the month is very changeable and there are absolutely no favorable days for a wedding. And then also Venus in a retrograde. One gets the impression that the Retrograd is a trendy bar. I wonder how much the gin is there.
September is no different from the rest. Venus is still in retrograde, Mercury is there. No, this is definitely some interesting place! Otherwise why are they all bursting there ?! And again a solar and lunar eclipse. And on the eve of the days of the angels of the bride and groom, the wedding can not be in any. And also in the plans of a business trip and a diet planned since March. True, in September there is one auspicious day for a wedding, but only in the European part of the CIS and Yekaterinburg. It is not yet clear what to consider as the European part and from which side the moss grows from the central registry office in Kiev.
October does not bode well at all in the name of a happy family life and reproductive function. And let in the period from the twenty-fifth to the thirty-first of October three planets - Mars, Venus and Jupiter - approach each other so much that the energy of passion, wealth and affection is prophesied to marriage.
But nothing binds two people like a joint loan for twenty years. And the energy of passion did not even come close compared to those couples who have repairs and a parrot who can say such a thing that it is contraindicated to keep it in an apartment with weak nerves - you can kill.
From the twentieth of November Venus in an unfavorable aspect with Uranus, inclined to divorce. All the way to get married does not work, but already a divorce ... Here's a bitch like that, Venus! From the twenty-eighth of November a long, strict Christmas fast begins, which will last until the sixth of January. That is, again, no booze, but only church Cahors. Oh, and of course another revolution. We always have some r ... but it happens in November. Maybe something is wrong with the month of November?
The most successful day for a wedding in December is the thirty first number. That's really lucky so lucky. And in January, two New Years. And then another wedding? I do not drink so much in a corset! It is also recommended to consider when calculating only the matching months for the bride and groom. And if you add both dates of birth and multiply by the estimated date of the wedding, you get Pskov. Undoubtedly, Pskov is not the best result. Only May is worse.
“Limpopo, Limpopo, Limpopo!”. Well, you need to bring and drink it. all relatives. And then, the first wedding night. What is it? Is called, let's hide the horse from the birthday boy, so that he would not rejoice in advance? Ten years together. I know him as flaky. And then suddenly the long-awaited white sheet of debauchery. I think on this great day of obscurantism wear yellow panties. Yellow panties are very schizophrenic. And after a brand new fresh morning smile.
And, with a piece of gold on his finger, he will lead me in a light vaginal way.
And my genital oranges will be vacuumed until Mercury separates us. So that all were healthy for a hundred years! Every lady has such a morning when you really understand the meaning of the line from the song “my head, legless armless”. Straight feel this wandering "crazy empress" throughout the body.
And then there's the old man. Because, well, which one is the newlywed. Ten years. Ten! When I listened to all this from my mother, my nipples came out on my eyes. But I am brave and stubborn. And I love him. And he got me, even with my mom and her parsley directory. And with the registry office, I somehow agree on any date. City Extreme Tour "Weekend Wedding".
And nevertheless, lapul, my friend breathed out, I really suffer only one question: where can I find decent yellow panties, eh?