Personal experience: why skinny girls feel guilty
'24.03.2021'
Source: GoRabbit
Hi, my name is Xenia and I am thin. And I feel guilty. Not specifically because of the body composition, but because of the circumstances that it magically attracts. And after reading the article, skinny girls will understand me, and the rest will recognize themselves. How this logic puzzle works, see below.
I like my body. With all the flaws that it brings with it, - Ksenya writes for GoRabbit. And this small chest, and these angular elbows, and this bony seat - all this is mine, dear. I have always been able to wisely turn my minuses into advantages and enjoy advantages.
But here is a paradox - despite my external and internal harmony, I constantly feel guilty. And when I realize that I feel it again, it is already too late to do something. That is why I decided to break this vicious circle and write an article for those who find themselves in a similar situation.
Milan Kundera in the novel "Immortality" reveals the problem of guilt and shame through a very interesting example. He describes a teenage girl who began her first menstruation while she was staying in a strange house. She stained the sheet with blood and felt the excruciating guilt of it. Kundera writes: “Why was she so ashamed? Do not all women suffer from monthly bleeding? Was she to blame for them? No, it was not.
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Kundera makes one fundamental conclusion, which really helped me a lot later in life: “The basis of shame is not some kind of slip that we made, but the shame and humiliation that we should be what we are, and not by our will, and the unbearable feeling that this humiliation is visible from all sides. ” That is why we feel guilty for being clumsy, what lisping, that a pimple popped up on our nose, that our cheekbones are sticking out, that our ears are sticking out, that our body is so-so- Especially when others give you a reason for this.
Thin give a million occasions. To complete people show great tolerance and sympathy. The skinny always want to be treated to something, to see how they eat, to fatten. Coming to visit relatives, I constantly hear condemning sighs: “So thin, how do you live.” Trying things with friends in the store, I risk being left without friends. And getting up on the scales in the company of outsiders is a trick related to the act of exhibitionism. "Oh, you weigh ALL ONLY 48 kg, YES IN YOU ONLY LEATHER YES BONES".
Others need to know my height and correlate my weight in order to give a verdict - you have a shortfall, you eat. It is absolutely necessary for others to note how lucky I am with my XS size (which, by the way, is impossible to find), and what not to worry about because of something sticking out somewhere. Others should definitely note that I am different from them.
I have long learned to smile tactfully. But she did not learn to keep constantly in mind why this is happening. And I know why. People do not try to offend or offend (in most cases), they do not want to hurt or cause this notorious feeling of guilt. They want to justify themselves. They want to somehow come to terms with the fact that they are what they are, as Kundera wrote. They also feel guilty, only in their own way. They are also embarrassed and uncomfortable, they simply are not accustomed to being thin to understand, because they are “lucky with build.”
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Everyone wants to see in me a portly, milky young lady, able to nourish at the same time a triplet, but not a jerk, which can accidentally pierce someone with their bones. And no matter how hard you smile tactfully, you’ve explained that “you have such genes, mom and dad are thin,” the guilt inside you and inside your interlocutor will not work. Because it’s hard for us to accept ourselves as such - thin, awkward, angular, pimply, long-nosed, lop-eared, krivorotovymi - what we are. It seems to us humiliating to be yourself, to be natural. I want to be like everyone else, so that our "flaws" are not visible in the total mass of the same as we are.
The slogan of individualism - to be unique - has long lost its relevance in modern society. Dissatisfaction with oneself is only growing, and trying to improve, we become like millions of others. The same average weight, the same average eyebrows, the same average gait. And the average surrounding people do not like when you weigh less than 60, your height is more than 180, and your intellect is higher than the school curriculum in algebra. That is why the pressure - from all sides. That is why shame appears. Although this will not happen if you remember that there is no guilt. You just have to love yourself and the people around you.
