The article has been automatically translated into English by Google Translate from Russian and has not been edited.

Personal experience: why you need to stop being comfortable for everyone but yourself

'07.04.2022'

Source: Columnist

“My whole childhood was filled with one big lie. I believed in her at 10, and at 20, and even at 30! But what was my surprise and disappointment when, after so much time, the deception was revealed ... And who knew that it could ruin so many years of my life ?! " Blogger Morena_Morana told her story for Browser.

Photo: Shutterstock

This lie of the century has become for me a fairy tale about two captains - the captain "I want" and the captain "I must". Moreover, the second was always stronger and better than the first. Captain “Nado” spoke in the voice of his mother and grandmother, always ate lunch whole, listened to adults, studied well and never broke his nose.

Captain "I Want" was a bully. He constantly did what he wanted, for example, he got up from the table and ate only cutlets, or jumped in rubber bands for hours. Captain “I want” was lazy, wayward. Later, he was certainly punished for fulfilling his desires. Life beat on his head, while the captain "Must" chewed a well-deserved sweet candy. The example of two captains inspired me so much that I became an almost perfect trained child - the dream of any parent and teacher.

Finish the soup from the plate? Of course, finish eating! What do you mean "I don't want"? It is necessary. And it doesn't matter that you sit for hours with a full stomach, digesting heavy fatty foods. The reward will still find its heroes! Study? Only for all fives! At any price! And do not care that so many wonderful moments floated at this time somewhere out there, outside the window! To obey adults? You're welcome!

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It was the captain “Nado”, as my parents believed, should have kept me from all the troubles in this life, such as late or unfavorable marriage, creative work, drugs and other idiocy. My desires were assigned the role of a demon tempter, calling into the abyss with a sweet voice.

I have long forgotten the tale of want and need. Only now she remained somewhere so deep inside me that the insidious captain “Nado” continued to control me as he wanted.

No, he really saved me from the abyss of vices. Although I was not going to dive there. I had a normal, although not particularly favorite job, a husband and a child, everything like everyone else. The inner grandmother was very happy about the right choice of the path. She ... but not me. It seemed to me that my life became like chewed paper. No taste, no color, no smell and no hope. Sometimes, when I was getting ready for work, I would cry. I myself did not know from what, maybe from the feeling that this is not at all what I want. But the insidious captain "Nado" kept saying: everyone's like that! it should be so! And I believed.

When at a party I was fed open rubbish, I never pushed the plate aside, but ate the portion entirely, fearing of offending the owners. Firstly, it is necessary, and secondly, adults must be obeyed. When I heard insults addressed to me, but did not dare to react violently, because I was used to it, I had to endure. Captain “Nado” was sleeping peacefully. But not me. Sometimes it seemed to me that someone else had crawled into my body and was living my life, while I was sitting in the basement, bound hand and foot.

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Once I plucked up courage and asked myself the question: who needs?

And you know what I understood?

That my own “shoulds” among all “shoulds” practically did not exist. These were “necessary” mothers and grandmothers, society and the state, girlfriends and friends, colleagues and bosses. Anyone else's, but not mine. It was these “must's” that ruled my life.

My “want” was so hammered and deprived of the right to vote that I hardly heard them. For half of my life, my only unique life, I listened to other people's voices in my head. Captain "I Want" got angry, realized himself ... and broke the chains. And ... nothing happened. The boring work was replaced by a new, creative one. The world did not collapse underfoot. Drugs and debauchery did not swallow up headlong. The food tastes better, the smells are nicer, the sky is higher.

Now, when I hear any phrase with the mention of the word "must", I ask myself again: who needs? Who needs to get married before 30? Who needs 2 children and no less? Who needs a “decent job”? Who said that at our age this is not worn?

Millions of fake strangers “must” eat the time, nerves and life of each of us every day. It's time to give them a good butt! You need - you do.

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