How a woman should react to tactless personal questions: the opinion of a psychologist
'28.01.2021'
Source: Yandex Zen
Where to go to a girl who doesn’t need to get married very much, and her aunts and girlfriends rush behind her with their questions and advice? The author of the blog "Morena Morana" on Yandex Zen.
Before starting this conversation, I just want to make it clear that it will not be possible to completely get rid of tactless remarks and too personal questions - this is the law of the universe. No sooner had the female baby left her mother's birth canal than a special detachment of tactless aunts (and uncles), who needed most of all, had already materialized somewhere in the universe.
Even if you are banned from your room, boarded up the windows, buy blackout curtains and will not go online, a group of busy people will still form around you, enthusiastically discussing why you are sitting there and not getting married. And they could, by the way, give birth to children.
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If I were president, I would definitely forbid all discussions of my personal life, stupid questions with a mockery, gynecological birthday greetings, advice to get a man for health and other nasty things. But I am just an author of articles and a psychologist, and all I can do for you is to help you somehow adapt in this toxic radioactive environment, as I myself have been doing for many years, and nothing, I live. I mean, I am not dying, but I live on in high spirits.
So, what should you do if tactless questions about your personal life, valuable advice from others throw you off balance?
Begin to distinguish between faces in the crowd
Usually, under the blurred "they", a person represents a big smoking heap of negativity, which, if you say or do something wrong, will immediately start to smell bad. This is an understandable primal fear of the wrath of the tribe when one cannot survive. However, this is where the main mistake lies.
There are more than 7 billion people in the world, and the absolute majority of them do not care about your hair color, waist size and whether you have your own wellness man at your side. It is not the world that asks you tactless questions, presses you, pushes you into the abyss. Stupid questions are asked by a specific Zinaida Vasilievna, and that, perhaps, to keep the conversation going.
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This understanding is important in order not to feel like a chip in the waves of universal condemnation. There are no all opposing you in an unequal battle. There are a couple of onlookers, and poorly educated.
Learn to take a punch and respond appropriately to aggression
In fact, few people are afraid of someone else's opinion, if it is positive. Even pundits, prominent politicians and celebrities are susceptible to flattery. Few people worry about being called handsome, smart, and successful. Of course, experiences are associated with negative statements, because this contradiction reflects conflict.
Often parents bring us up obedient, comfortable, overly flexible. They teach us to avoid conflict at all costs where we can simply calmly say: “I don’t want to talk about this, please stop.” Often, another person is easily ready to meet us halfway, just to maintain a warm relationship. And the one who is not ready ... Is he needed in the immediate environment, and if so, what is the name of this perversion?
Understand why every "mimocrocodile" can swallow your sun
Do not misunderstand me, I do not urge you to give up reflection at all and live by the principle “love yourself, sneeze at all”. There is always an inner circle whose opinion is important to us. These are friends, without whom it is bad. Experts who can help with practical advice. Audit check in accounting. Just wise people who want to listen to. Information from this circle of persons can be taken into consideration.
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However, the opinion of an account called "Mozhaiskaya Pig Farm" should be the last number on all your lists. The saleswoman from the stall at the bus stop, the caretaker and the man who was rude in public transport, we write there too.
Look inside yourself
As a person who works a lot and tightly with negativity, I clearly realized this. A healthy psyche is protected from negative assessments by a special shell like skin. After all, if you pour salt on your skin, you will not feel anything, right? There is pain where there has already been damage, abrasion. The words of others hurt us precisely when they resonate with our own doubts. You have to admit to yourself that you are angry and the topic is painful for you - how anger shrivels, like a shagreen skin.
In recent years, I notice that the girl is not adorned with diamonds, but clear goals in life. When you know where you are going, it is easier to endure gusts of wind. When the movement is chaotic, then from each draft it is noticeably stormy.
Original column published on the blog. Morena Morana toYandex Zen"
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