How to survive the holidays, trying to make happy a child who has everything
'18.12.2019'
Source: Home
First, let's stop and ask ourselves a few questions. How much effort and money are we willing to spend to make the child's holiday unforgettable? Is it necessary to turn New Year and Christmas into a chase after a fairy tale? What to give to children who have everything? How to surprise them? And is it necessary? And how can an ordinary parent survive on this path? The reasoning of the psychotherapist and mother of three children Lada Lapina for “Home Hearth".
... And it was Christmas (or New Year's) morning, and now the clatter of children's feet towards the Christmas tree was already heard. The sounds of impatient fuss, the crack of torn wrapping paper, cries of delight. Echoes of concentrated lull and satisfied sniffles. And again, almost instantly - the noise of movement in the opposite direction and the echo of a clearly posed question: “How many days are left until the next holiday?”
Detocentrism is a relatively new phenomenon, especially in the post-Soviet space.
The mothers and fathers of the new millennium, who grew up in considerable severity and anger, vowed on Komarovsky’s directory of childhood diseases that they would never put children in a corner, save them from anxiety and give all the best. In other words, the pendulum, which has been in the “you live for me” position for too long, inevitably flew to the other extreme on a grand scale - the “I live for you” mode.
Much that was not received in due time by mothers and fathers of the new millennium fell in abundance on the heads of their offspring. And if few people exempted them from studying the latter well, as well as from periodically settling in corners, their broad household responsibilities were canceled, the oxymoron “rest with children” was formulated and actively introduced, and the birthdays received the platinum status “I will all so that my child will be happy. " Read - I will provide him with lasting euphoria. Balloons with wishes in all languages of the world, birthday cake with sculptural figures from Tsereteli, daily rent of an entertainment center, animators in a pink pony costume. However, any extreme is fraught with a lack of measure.
As you know, you get used to good things quickly and painlessly. Especially when it's easy to get. Therefore, the joy of a modern child is now completely dependent on the consumption of sophisticated entertainment provided by parents.
This also applies to the celebration of Christmas / New Year, too significant a holiday to miss the opportunity to make a child happy in a complete modern program. Today it is considered inadequate, as in the childhood of the same dads and mothers, to go to the "Christmas tree" at the factory where parents work, to get a few "union" bags with sweets, and then wait for the cherished midnight and the chiming clock to fully taste the spirit of the holiday. Modern mothers and fathers are convinced that they must provide their children with something truly grandiose. Therefore, parental preparations for the holidays begin long and resembles preparations for the launch of the spacecraft.
On the subject: Chanel bag and $ 4000: 10-year-old American gave her father an incredible list of Christmas presents
“And much, much joy ...”
Natalia thought out a strategic plan in early autumn. Book a house in snowy Finland, determine a walking route and a list of home games, organize letters and calls from Santa Claus, buy, pack and absolutely secretly transfer gifts and treats your children love to their destination, as well as solve another million tasks and subtasks.
Plans, as you know, like to make heaven laugh, so the strategy and tactics underwent urgent adjustment.
This was extremely upsetting for Natalia, and she began to yell at the children, which spoiled the festive atmosphere. But, even if everything was close to ideal, Natasha was so tired that during the holidays she tried to at least occasionally retire. Deprived of constant attention and entertainment, the daughters and son, not knowing how to keep themselves busy, immediately began to get bored and whine, and the feeling of the holiday was again lost.
Ulyana really wanted to please her daughter and give the best present so that the child does not have unpleasant experiences on a holiday if she suddenly gets what she does not want. For this, the mother constantly asked the girl what she needed so as not to be mistaken. My daughter actively joined the game and regularly came up with a new answer.
Ulyana even bought three gifts from the list, but when the time came X, it turned out that the girl was completely not interested. She went further in her desires, not even having time to want something for real. Both mother and daughter were disappointed.
Catherine decided to surprise the household with a special Christmas baking - time-consuming to manufacture and requiring a long aging time. This is exactly what you can’t buy in a store. Therefore, preparations for the holiday began in mid-November. Having pre-picked sweets for the festive table, Katya decided that, taking into account the time saved, she would have time to make the main treat according to the book “Cuisines of the World”, because this is in full compliance with tradition.
Neither gourmet pastries, nor home-baked duck duck were eaten. Children did not appreciate the efforts of the mother, saying that it would be better if she ordered pizza.
Lida loved the New Year very much and remembered how pleasant and exciting the holiday was in her childhood. For a whole month she was preparing a New Year's Eve script for her children and husband. However, the teenage son flatly refused to participate in the show, her husband, tired of the New Year’s race, chose to sit at the TV, and only her daughter was ready to sing New Year’s songs with her mother. However, she herself already completely lost the festive mood.
All these parents seemed to have agreed to arrange the perfect vacation for their children, relying on a personal definition of happiness, not even allowing the thought that the children might meet with disappointment, but in the end they met with him themselves.
It is a very moving, sincere and understandable desire to give the younger generation a vivid sense of the holiday, which they themselves had experienced before, but adults often overlook two important points.
First, the child very quickly gets used to consume pleasures that are easy, in large quantities and without his personal contribution. Ceases to appreciate them. He expects adults to come and make him another “wow”. He learns that someone else always guesses his desires, and thereby becomes convinced that his joy should come exclusively from outside. In addition to the fact that the amount of “wow”, although it has significant weight, is still limited (and parents will one day encounter having exhausted their fantasies and wallets), the wait position “come and do me good” is extremely unprofitable for gradual growth. After all, an adult is one who knows what he needs and takes action to provide himself with this, and does not expect, knowingly or unconsciously, that someone else should take care of him. This someone may not know corny about true desires.
On the subject: How to Bake American Christmas Cookies: A Simple Recipe
The second point is connected with the idea of “giving a fishing rod, not a fish”: to teach yourself how to do a miracle. Those same nostalgic memories of the magical New Year are usually associated with joint activities. When the whole family came together in the preparation of a special dinner and a simple decoration of the house. Everyone helped each other, long conversations were conducted, the usual order of things changed, bringing pleasant excitement and warmth.
No gorgeous offerings are needed to fill the atmosphere of the holiday to the brim.
However, mutual gifts, including the independent making of gifts by children for other family members, the waiting time for the delivery and the solemn moment itself, can extremely inspire and create the right mood. When adults try too hard to arrange magic for children, they deprive them of their full life-giving participation in the creation of this magic.
However, even if an Advent calendar is purchased in advance and an all-family ceremony of decorating homemade cookies is conceived, the matter may be spoiled by the alarming state of my mother, who is upset that only two trips to the theater are planned for the holidays.
Or the fact that children can not do anything without mistakes, and instead of cookies with patterns we get a pattern with cookies. Or the fact that joint business also becomes a kind of obligatory plan and from this they lose their charm.
So let's forget that they owe someone a perfect holiday. Each parent has his own idea of him, but in any case it is very easy to fall into the trap of over-exertion and meeting others. And also disperse in the perception of the moment with your own children.
The mood and atmosphere are always away from the ideal. Where there is ownership and a common spirit. Joint discussion, sound planning and leisurely implementation. Personal and collective creativity is not for the result, but for the sake of the process. When joy comes from within, is created with your own hands, it is appreciated and remains for a long time, and you can take your time to wait for the next holiday.
