How to get married in America, if you for 70: the story of Eli Hofman
'09.11.2018'
Source: Pravmir
Three years ago, Elaine Hoffman lost her husband, and Neil Ulman lost her wife. Thanks to each other, they were able to survive the grief and start a new relationship - in the eighth decade.
Three years ago, Elaine Hofman and Neil Ullman enrolled in a single program at Fairley Dickinson University in New Jersey, Pravmir. Both of them were enrolled in courses that are aimed at developing the cultural, educational and social activities of older people. Their friendship and platonic relationships turned into love, and through 3, after the meeting, Elaine and Neil played a wedding on the campus of the university, where their relationship began. At this point, the bride was 77 years old, and the groom - 72 year.
2015 was a tough year for Elaine and Neil. In February, Gail Ulman, Neil's spouse, died of Alzheimer's disease. Her husband, who led an active life, taught mathematics and statistics, made furniture and even wrote a children's book, it was difficult to cope with loneliness.
“I felt pretty lonely. And I wanted to meet someone with whom I could share a new experience. ”
In May of the same year, Elaine Hoffman, a social worker at school, lost her husband Barry Hoffman due to complications caused by Parkinson’s disease. Together they were 48 years old.
But common to future spouses were not only losses. Elaine knew Neil's deceased wife, who was also a social worker, and spoke well of her. Both had the same brand of cars and credit cards of the same bank.
Finally, when Neil said that he planned to leave for a week in Cumbria to see the migration of elephant seals, butterflies, whales and birds, and took out a brochure about these places, Elaine apologized and got the same. She also planned such a trip.
“I thought it was a very good omen,” said Hofman. “We seem to have a lot in common.”
Elaine was grateful to Neil for having appeared in her life, but was in no hurry to give in to the romantic mood.
"I was still going through the process of mourning when we met, and at times it was very, very difficult for me to think that I had a relationship with another man."
“I perfectly understood what Elaine went through, but, in my opinion, there is a significant difference between a man and a woman when they lose their spouse. A woman is comforted by her family, friends, and all members of the groups in which she is a member. Men simply do not have such a support system, ”says Neil.
Despite the fact that Elaine could rely on loved ones in her grief, she enrolled in courses for the elderly. She didn’t have romantic plans, she only planned to “support active thinking” after her husband’s death in the university classes. “I just wanted to participate in this community of bright people who like to learn from each other. And then Neil appeared, ”she says.
“I think they helped each other survive their loss,” says daughter Elaine Jessica Hofman. “Since they both went through a similar test, Neil can console her as much as I can.”
