You were invited to a wedding, but…. Everyone, from the bridesmaid to the occasional guest, can have a variety of buts. Along with wedding protocol experts Sharon Schweizer and Michael Serbelli (Paul McCartney's wedding planner), he gives advice on how to deal with the most delicate situations. Insider.
1. You do not want to be a bridesmaid.
Don't like an idea suggested by your fiancée? Say no carefully. Invite her over for coffee, thank her, and politely decline. Suggest some other contribution you can: make a photo album or slide show, or whatever. This will take less time and effort, but it will also show your willingness to participate in the process.
2. You can not attend the wedding
Two standard situations. First, you already answered “yes”, but later found out that you could not come. Second, you have no money (statistically, an American spends $ 893 on every friend's wedding). In the first case, sincerely express your regret, it is desirable to do it personally, and in any case send a gift. Take time to congratulate your friends later when you're free. In the second, you can propose to arrange a small party after the event: a spa day, a party, invite the bride and groom to dinner. It's not easy, but sometimes it's cheaper than a plane ticket.
3. You are not sure whether you can come together
One of the most common wedding oversights is to show up for a holiday with someone who was not invited. As a general rule of wedding etiquette, if the invitation does not indicate “plus one”, then only you are invited, and it will be incorrect to come with a couple. Doubt? Contact the bride or groom and politely clarify this point.
4. You are asked to give a speech, but you are afraid
Simple advice that experts recommend: turn your back to the public and only talk with the bride and groom - because we are talking about them. You don't have to be a public speaking guru to make a beautiful speech. Just say a few words from the heart. Even if it is difficult for you to do, warn in advance.
5. Your ex was also invited
Even if you broke up badly, do not bring your relationship to someone else's wedding, experts say. The best way to go through this is to contact each other in advance and think over a strategy of behavior. But if a joint visit to a holiday causes a lot of questions and gossip, it is better to refuse - this is your friends' day, and it is incorrect to draw attention to yourself.
6. You need to leave the wedding earlier.
Experts do not recommend leaving until the official part of the ceremony is over. In the event that you become ill or have another emergency situation, quietly walk away, without taking the bride and groom away from the celebration. Later briefly apologize and drop a few words about the details of the holiday - friends will understand that you were there and appreciated their efforts. If the couple is not busy and now the informal part of the holiday is going, it is advisable to say goodbye.
It is important to remember that even if you are used to always being the center of attention, the wedding of other people is a celebration in their honor. Therefore, your role may be helping, supporting or neutral, but by no means negative or most important. It is polite and respectful towards the bride and the groom.