How to destroy an ex-wife. Male look
'08.02.2018'
Source: Alexey Belyakov, "Observer"
One friend broke up with his wife. Nothing fancy, almost peacefully, they even began to divorce officially: then somehow. But there was a child, because of him the problems started.
At first, small ones, then the ex-husband could not take the child for the weekend, and the ex-wife's plans fell through, then she demanded money for sports - the child, not herself - and the husband believed that he was already giving enough in the form of alimony. The ex-wife began to scold, the ex-husband answered sharply, and soon it came to enmity. And the “fierce” mother somehow did not allow the father to see the child. Began to put forward conditions. “Here is a creature! - a friend told us. "I'm ready to kill her outright." And it was clear: ready. Then a friend of the heart said to him: “Good. I'll get you to the right person. "
It was a teaser. What ended the drama - find out in the final. So far - about the good.
Once I saw a couple in a cafe, he and she, already middle-aged, but very cheerful. They drank wine and chatted. I heard that they were discussing their children. “What lovely ones,” I thought, “they have been together for a long time and have not bothered each other.” It so happened that after half an hour I found out their terrible secret: they have been divorced for a long time. But how the hell did they feel good together. Just bunnies. So you have to be able to. This art is communication after divorce. Few masters succeed.
A woman in divorce is always the most "passive communion", she is always more offended, more tormented, etc. The issue here is not legal, not financial, but psychological. Even if she is the initiator of the divorce.
The ex-husband is most often the enemy. Well, let not the enemy - but the bastard, yap, gouge. “How could I with this,” and so on ...
But our peasants are also nervous: “Oh, that's how she is, well then I'll arrange it for her, show Kuzka’s mother!”.
In short, you all know this, and half of you passed. Escalation of tension, arms race, nuclear tests in the kitchen. As one friend of mine said to her ex-husband: “You want war - you will get it!”. Nice, damn it. Shakespeare, damn it. If you knew why that “war” began - die laughing. The ex-husband did not answer the phone call. No, I didn't drink it, and I didn't hide. I was just out of reach for an hour. And here she is to him, and he to her, and she to him ... Yes, Shakespeare. But half with Zoshchenko.
And we, divorced, are engaged in important business - squabbling, swearing, fights. Oh, this is so exciting, life will fly by - you won't notice. Some especially inspired men report on the vileness of the former wife in social networks, some even write novels. And the simple idea that there are common children does not stop. In short, naturally crazy. Hot thirst for revenge pulses in the vessels of the brain. Medicine is powerless.
The first stage after a divorce is the most difficult. The trick is that a divorce is a decision of two, but then - almost everything depends on the man. And we break down: well, of course, she is a bitch! A rare specimen stands.
The man first requires calm. Only calm. Resisting female poison is difficult, but generally harmless. For healthy men. A woman may even hate her ex-husband, but this is also surmountable. Hate is an emotion that does not live long if it is not fed. The rules are simple. Do not snap, do not speak maliciously, do not slander. Hold on. So you can go to the zero level, to achieve complete neutrality. The two former met: the intonation is even, the pulse is confident, the breath is clear. Congratulations, this is a success.
And the second stage is recovery. Yes, the restoration of the relationship. Recovery is imperative. And here all means are good. Oh, women are so easy to bribe. They are malleable. They must be charmed and gratified. Do not spare charm and strength. One of my acquaintances acted very simply. Here is how it was. He went to a young man - from his wife, with whom he had lived for twenty years. An ancient history that will always be relevant. The wife fell into depression. The ex-husband was a gentleman: he left an apartment, a car, gave a lot of money, all the time he looked to his teenage daughter. But the wife plunged into depression and already almost hated her ex-husband. He understood: a little more and bad things will begin. And one evening he came with flowers and good wine. We drank, ate, and then he said: “Listen, you are a very dear person to me. We do not understand each other perfectly, but when one has not even said anything yet. You are cool, smart, you are a beautiful woman. Well, I fell in love with another, but I can't live without you. I want to see you, talk, like now ... ”. In short, he chatted. Fascinated. A woman loses her head when sweet words are whispered to her. And the man was completely honest. He did not need anything from his ex-wife - only good relations. To get her out of the depressing gloom. And everything worked out.
By the way, note the stingy peasants. There is a psychological law, unshakable, almost like Hooke's law.
The worse the relationship, the more furiously the woman demands money. For her, this is not so much a material need as a moral one. "I will rip you off, you bastard!"
But I'm not talking about money.
Divorce is not the end of family life, that's the thing. This is a continuation of family life, but in other ways.
There is no escape from ex-wives. I know many stories when a man in difficult situations rushed to his ex-wife. Yes, they broke up, he has a new girlfriend or even a wife, and he goes to his ex. One such person had an accident, he is brought to the hospital, he, covered in blood and bandages, calls his ex-wife first thing. She, of course, came running. But then she asked: "Why didn't you call your girlfriend?" He was confused: "I immediately thought about you."
To be honest, there are no ex-wives at all. And what is the vile word "former"? It's almost the same as saying: my former liver. The wife is a part of the body, how to cut it off? You can, but you will become disabled. Better to improve blood circulation.
And always remember that for a woman there is nothing more important than trifles, trifles, sparkles and petals. Any compliment inspires her. And from the former husband is just a gift. A woman can be blessed with absolutely nonsense. For a man - nonsense, and she - balm №5.
One day I came to my youngest daughter. We were together: that evening Masha, her mother, was running around late on business. We played, frolicked, and then I had to feed my daughter. I walk into the kitchen: there is a pile of dirty dishes in the sink. No, Masha is generally a terrible cleanliness, just two days there was no strength left for the dishes. My daughter is eating her buckwheat porridge with honey, and I think: why shouldn't I wash the dishes? Yes, this is not my house, not my household, not my problem. But why not wash it, especially since I love this business. After the dishes, I played with my daughter, just then my mother comes. Gloomy, tired, not talkative. Going home. Suddenly Masha jumps out of the kitchen, happy, as if she was given a tiffany ring there: “Have you washed the dishes? Lord, thank you! I drove home and imagined this mountain with horror… ”.
It seems that at that moment she was ready to run with me to the registry office again. On the way home, I thought, “I haven't done anything special. How little a woman needs to be happy. ”
And now, when I come, if I see the dishes, I try to wash them. It is not at all difficult for me, but for a girl is joy. We think: it's time to live together again. Joke. No, we do not think. We separated completely, each has its own interesting life. But we have a daughter. And this is the most important thing.
The child should see that the parents communicate well and fun. Yes, they live separately, but when they meet, they are glad to each other. And no one says to a child: "Your daddy - he generally ...". For a child, tragedy is not when the parents separate, but when they hate each other. When it is passed to each other silently, like a mop.
I have two divorces. And I had to save the labor relationship, and in the case of the first divorce, they generally had to be restored from the ruins, collected in pieces. And it lasted a long time, painfully, with failures, but still I tried. No, I'm not a present at all. It is now easy for me to teach, and he has uttered all sorts of things. Fool himself.
But then comes the third stage, as a reward. When the ex-wife disappears. A friend appears instead.
Now I have no ex-wives, I destroyed them. Figuratively speaking. There are two good friends - no, rather two close relatives, two sisters with whom we chat, laugh, discuss movies and gossip about mutual acquaintances. We can argue, we can pout, a good woman will always find something to be offended at. But we can’t do without each other. Okay, I'll say for myself: I can't live without them. I really need them. I love them, I want them to be happy. I scribble to both of them all sorts of nonsense in the "telegram", for no reason. When they don't answer for a long time, I worry. And probably, if you see me with one of them in a cafe, someone will think: “Wow, what a lovely couple. It is evident that they have not bothered each other for a long time. ”
... And now back to the teaser. So, the ending of the drama. That friend was introduced to a good divorce lawyer. He listened to all the complaints and claims, sympathized and said: “You know, I can help you. We will sue, you will win, you will have legal days to see your child, we can even make sure that the child stays with you. In short, we'll make your ex live a terrible life. But my advice is to make up. This is the best and it depends on you. ”
A friend left the lawyer annoyed: what kind of stupid advice? Also a specialist for me! But my friend is not stupid. I returned home, listened to Handel, thought for a day or two and wrote a mail to my wife. Calm, benevolent, wise. She seemed to be waiting, immediately replied: "I didn't want this whole scandal."
They are friends now. And he never calls her "ex-wife" - he says: "My Tanya."
