How Ukrainian women fight for children with former foreign husbands
'22.06.2018'
Source: vesti-ukr.com
As it turned out, neither the Ministry of Justice nor the State Border Service of Ukraine keep statistics on how many children of Ukrainian citizens are forced by court decisions to live abroad without a mother.
But litigation with foreign husbands, who, after an unsuccessful marriage, are trying to take away children from women, are thousands, and they drag on for years, they say News. In pursuit of love and beautiful life, the girls even forget about securing and arranging documents for the child in their homeland. As a result, sometimes they are forced to flee from tyrants, throwing the kids into the care of an aggressive daddy.
“I am your master”
Little dark-skinned and black-eyed Alice jumps at her mother in her arms, pulls her hair, laughs and jerks her legs. She's only 11 months, and the girl does not even suspect that far beyond the ocean she has a brother, Martin, father and house, where family happiness did not happen.
“He didn’t just beat me, he killed me,” Maria Fenchik says hard, as if fighting with pain that was not yet experienced. - The eldest child, too, fell because in his five years he tried to protect me. I literally covered me with pens and shouted to my father: “Do not hit, go away, do not hit her”.
Masha fled from her Brazilian husband to Ukraine as soon as she was able to raise money for the air ticket.
- I was pregnant in the third month. I was afraid to speak to my husband, he would have found a way to keep me until birth. I roared in the plane all the way so that the flight attendants, probably, already thought of urgently landing the plane, whispering, bringing water. This hysterics happened to me because the escape was a success only for me, and my son, naturally, did not give her permission to go to Ukraine.
Now the Daughter's Machine has a Ukrainian birth certificate, in which the fatherhood column is not filled.
- I deliberately did not enter my husband, on the advice of lawyers, but at least this child would be safe. And for the son now go the courts. But, unfortunately, the husband started judicial proceedings in Brazil, the child was born there, he has Brazilian documents, so he is almost guaranteed to determine his place of residence with his father, says Masha.
In her case, there was probably no other way out - she fled from her husband, realizing that this was her only chance to save her own life. The police repeatedly came to calls to her house, recorded the facts of beatings and violence, but did not apply any sanctions to the Ukrainian woman’s spouse.
- A caring, romantic and well-to-do person blew off as soon as I got pregnant for the first time. I even thought he was crazy - an acquaintance psychiatrist said that everything very much looked like a delusion of jealousy. In both men and women in my environment, he suddenly began to see imaginary sexual partners, and after each such suspicion he beat and humiliated me. Once even tied to a bed and raped for two days. He shouted: “Only I am your master, and you are my cheap thing.” Now I often have similar nightmares ...
Money hysteria
As a rule, foreign men who marry Slav women expect at least autonomy and self-sufficiency from them, and girls crave to get a “prince” with an ideal upbringing and a stuffed wallet that will fulfill all desires. According to psychologist Maria Kokorina, who works with women who have experienced violence from overseas “princes,” it is these stereotypes that often result in great disappointment.
“Sometimes a man is looking for a slave girl Izaura for himself, who will cook, wash and ask for something as little as possible, let alone demand. They are waiting for the perfect hostess, a luxurious mistress and an eternally well-groomed beauty who goes to bed with make-up and lace underwear. All this the grooms want to get after dating online and two or three real dates. Moreover, in the West it is customary for a woman to bring money into the house, and if she hangs on her husband's neck, problems begin, ”says the psychologist. And it's not necessarily a matter of physical violence - women cannot stand the mismatch of mentality, psychological pressure and different attitudes towards finances.
Ukrainian Viktoriya Steinman believes that her story of her divorce is a very successful version of the ending of the Cinderella fairy tale.
- I met my husband on the Internet. I was 19, stupid. She went to Austria, married a German. Thanks to my mom, who managed to give me a magic kick - and before the romance ended, I fished my husband's opportunity to get a university education, learn the language and try to make the maximum number of necessary contacts, Victoria says.
Victoria and Berndt had a daughter, and then it began - the spouse wanted to control all her movements around the city, social circle, meetings with her friends and especially spending.
- He forced me to present all the checks, filed these reports in some folder and at the end of the month he presented me with the total sums of charges of squandering. At the same time, I almost did not spend money on myself - only on the life and needs of the child. My overseas millionaire turned out to be a middle-level engineer, and the family boat crashed about the cost of dry milk formula for a daughter ...
Money hysteria at Berndt passed only when the wife went to work and began to bring home the long-awaited round sums in euros. But then his pride ached. How is it that an immigrant wife has become more successful and richer than him?
- My career was quite successful, and very soon I began to earn more than my husband. He began to drink, to behave in a boorish way, he tried to beat the child. I managed to get a divorce and achieve compulsory treatment for alcoholism for him. He sees his daughter only on weekends, and she will live with me by decision of the court.
Hike for love
The most difficult and even literally bloody stories of battles for children are not with the Europeans, but with people from those countries with whom Ukraine does not have any international agreements. As Marina Legenka, a lawyer of the international human rights center “La Strada”, said, cases of complete helplessness and complete lack of rights of Ukrainians occur most often in the East.
- For example, Jordan. A woman approached us with a request to help her take her eldest daughter from her husband. She herself miraculously fled the country with her youngest after being beaten and abused by her husband. He beat not only her, but also the children. Now she is told that her husband continues to beat the eldest child. But she cannot even return and take the girl, because she was sentenced to imprisonment by the Sharia court for disobeying her husband, the lawyer says.
Another case, which works Legenka, occurred in Afghanistan. There, the husband simply treated his Ukrainian wife like an animal. I tied her by the leg, did not let her out of the house, mocked the children and herself. The woman managed to take out two babies, but her husband stole them and took them to Afghanistan.
According to the lawyer, in order to avoid such risks, it is imperative to study at least the family law of the receiving state before leaving to get married in another country. And be sure to take care of legal support in the Ukrainian embassy.
“If it so happens that a child, married to a citizen of another country, was born in the father’s territory, the mother must necessarily apply to the Ukrainian embassy with a request to issue a Ukrainian-style birth certificate. This makes the litigation process easier. If the divorce proceedings are initiated in Ukraine, the child is almost guaranteed to stay with the mother and, in accordance with international law, the father will be obliged to fulfill these conditions, ”explains Marina Lehenka.
Despite the fact that the stories about destinies distorted by foreign love appear on the net almost every day, women continue to “go for love,” often contrary to common sense and linear logic.
“As a rule, provincial girls from disadvantaged families are looking for online dating with foreigners. They really hope to win the lucky ticket, but end up with husbands who are not ready for even a minor crisis. Their horizons are so narrow that every holder of a foreign passport seems to them to be a millionaire with a castle and a staff of servants, says Maria Kokorina. - But millionaires do not look for wives on the Internet - they are looking for those who have not developed live communication with women. These are people with big complexes and psychological problems who want to close the holes in their self-esteem by marrying a beautiful woman. "
