How simple and understandable to talk with children about same-sex relationships
'16.04.2022'
Source: Womo
Our society is still afraid of the topic of gender equality, many do not know how to answer children's questions about gender and same-sex relationships. In fact, children are not so difficult to figure it out, as we can imagine. Franziska Sadi, a Polish activist of the Campaign against Homophobia, gives examples of an adequate conversation about “not such” families.
A four-year-old daughter asks her mother about her friend-gay: "Does your friend have a wife?" “No,” says Mom, “And he won't, because he already has a partner.” The man". “Oh, I see,” says the girl. And that's the end of the conversation.
Children at every age need explanations “in size,” the author recalls. Womo. And your extensive deep socio-cultural analysis is not always appropriate, especially since, willy-nilly, we introduce children to stereotypes.
Children are much more tolerant than adults, they accept reality as they see it, they are not surprised by another skin color or a wheelchair, or two people of the same sex holding hands. Rather, they are not embarrassed, not surprised, while adults do not begin to tell them that to be not like everyone else is bad.
Theory and practice
Of course, if your family has homosexual friends, the child has a chance to organically perceive same-sex couples: they are, they are just as friendly and good people as those who live with same-sex couples. Our son happens to be with us both at the "traditional" couples and at the "non-traditional" ones, this is what he says:
“Anna and Peter cook such goodies, and they have a great dog. But then Pavel and Mikhail have a huge TV set and they are allowed to watch cartoons until late. ”
Normal in the game
But what if you can not show the normal life of same-sex couples? Then introduce the concept of gender diversity in the game. For example, a puppet family may consist of two mothers dolls or two fathers teddy bears, you can explain that two women and two men can also be together and love each other, like any other parents.
Available explanation
I advise you to use simple accessible language, without hints, allegories and wordiness. Focus on the age of the child. This should not be a lecture, but a friendly and honest conversation with clear examples. Of course, this conversation may raise other questions that are sometimes not so easy for parents to answer.
For example, when Anya and Peter got married, their son asked when Paul and Michael would get married. This is a difficult question, because in Poland, as in many other countries, same-sex couples cannot register a marriage.
"Why? This is not fair! Why are they not allowed? ”, - the child is indignant.
Acceptance of reality
Elzbieta Block Fernades, the creator of the popular Mum Against the Tide blog, says she will not explain to her child why people of the same sex live together. It's like to emphasize that same-sex couples need some kind of excuse. People love each other, people live together. Especially, if your child does not ask the question: why?
No need to run ahead, let him ask himself. But if you do not explain, then homophobic statements that a child can hear from others and on television can make it hard for you to raise a tolerant person, right?
There is no “too early” to talk with children about same-sex relationships, in 4-5 years he can understand everything. And if your explanation, in which you carefully selected words of love and care that are common to all, regardless of gender, will produce an effect in the spirit of “aha, understandably, let's play further,” this does not mean that your efforts were wasted. You have laid the foundation for the tolerance and openness of your child.
Equality March and Coming Out
Do not limit yourself to conversations alone. Let the children go along with us on the march of equality to instill the idea of the importance of equal rights, of the normality of people who love other people. It is not too late to talk about it. Usually in families, these conversations are conducted with adolescents. And then, perhaps, it is no longer worth waiting for questions from the child, but to ask yourself what he heard, knows, thinks about the subject of LGBT people.
It may turn out that he has already picked up superficial and biased judgments from the media and at school. It's time to make sure that the child correctly understands who gays and lesbians are, and does not repeat homophobic nonsense.
Be patient, be consistent: if we teach children to accept "netakovost", they will have the opportunity to grow up tolerant people who respect the rights of others. In addition, they will know that you, the parents, will accept their “non-sacrifice” and will not consider them “wrong”, you will not stop loving.
