The article has been automatically translated into English by Google Translate from Russian and has not been edited.

How to go on dates after a divorce


Source: GoRabbit

Do not listen that after a divorce you need to be alone exactly half the time of your marriage. If you feel the need and self-confidence, go on a date now, recommends GoRabbit.

Photo: Shutterstock

Whatever the divorce, it is always a strong emotional shake-up that requires certain actions. In particular, immediately after a divorce, especially if it was painful, it is not recommended to plunge into a new relationship. Taking a short break is necessary primarily to maintain mental health. During this period, it is better to abstract from feelings and understand how you want to further build your life. You need to clearly understand which path and with whom you want to go further. If this understanding is not yet there, you should not try to build new relationships, otherwise it is highly likely that the situation will repeat itself. After going through all the stages of divorce and eventually realizing that the stage of accepting this fact has passed, you can begin to move on. When you have decided how you see your future life, ask yourself a few questions.

What are my feelings for the former?

If, for example, even thoughts of him annoy you, then the time has not come yet. Otherwise, if you go on a date now, all resentment and irritation will spill over to your potential man. The ideal answer to this question should be indifference, that is, the absence of any feelings.

I really want to spend time with a man?

Listen to your feelings. If you start to worry about the prospect of spending the evening with a new man, you are ready. You have to go on a date with a playful attitude. And not even in order to impress a potential partner, but above all, so that you yourself feel comfortable.

Further, it is important to clear the mind of the emotional waste acquired in marriage and during divorce. In most cases, our ex-partners are trying to fix a far from rosy image of ourselves in our heads, causing complexes and self-doubt. Therefore, first of all, you need to understand exactly what thoughts were instilled in you, as well as what ideas and plans for the future your ex was trying to program for you. It is quite difficult to get rid of this emotional burden on your own, so it is best to seek help from a specialist. But first you need to be clearly aware of what you would like to get rid of.

Saying goodbye to unnecessary emotions, start fighting your fears. Even if at the beginning you think that the prospect of being on a date with a new man is not at all scary, most likely, inside you there is still a lack of confidence in yourself or that everything will go smoothly. And this is a completely normal reaction. First, when you were married, admit it, you and your husband didn't go on dates that often. So the "skills" are lost. Secondly, you go to a meeting with a person whom you hardly know. And you absolutely cannot predict how he will behave in this or that situation, or how he will react to any of your statements. Third, there is always a fear of rejection. But here it is important to understand that a date, in fact, does not oblige you to anything. Moreover, you can safely not be limited to one man, but try to build relationships with several, in order to eventually understand which of them suits you best.

After a divorce, many ask the question: where to find a new partner? When you get rid of fears and complexes and look around, you will understand that there are many free and worthy men around. In addition, no one has canceled online dating, which is now coming to the fore. In the meantime, you are looking for him, try to return to yourself remembering how you were before marriage. Do you remember how you waited with bated breath for a date, put on makeup, dressed up, smelled sweet, was interested in the world, had a hobby and was carried away. In a marriage, it is not often possible to preserve all this, so now is the time to correct the situation. Go to the salon, change your image, update your wardrobe, again feel like a desirable woman and be ready to meet your destiny.

The rules of the first date after the divorce

No details. You should not tell a detailed biography on the first date, focusing on your past family. The new man will eventually find out everything, but for now it is worthwhile to bypass this topic by answering in monosyllables or by agreeing in advance that these topics should not be raised. Do not try to ask a man about his past either. You don’t know what skeletons he has, so for now it’s better not to stir up the past and not scare off a potential partner.

Do not tell children. If you develop a serious relationship with a new man, they will get to know each other anyway. In the meantime, do not load children with different names and details, and even more so - to acquaint them with potential partners. Even if it seems to you that there is nothing of the kind in it, the child’s mind is rather difficult to comprehend the detailed stories.

Do not compare. The main mistake many women make is the constant comparison. Not only will no one like it if they are trying to compare him with someone, but here we are generally talking about the former and potential men. Just understand: these are two completely different people. Do not try to look for any dirty tricks in those situations that you had before. Don't think it over and don't wind yourself up. Let everything take its course. Only then will you be able to understand what this person is.

Take your time with sex. Of course, no one forbids you to have an intimate relationship with a new man on the first date, but most likely you will not get anything but disappointment in the end. At first, there will be a surge of endorphins, and it will seem that life is good. But a little later, this euphoria will be replaced by a feeling of loneliness and disappointment. But even if you continue your relationship with this man (although no one can guarantee this to you), initially it is better to take a closer look at him, to understand what he is and whether you really want to go to bed with him.

PS: Take any new date as a certain stage, do not expect anything from it and take it calmly. After a divorce, quite often unconscious acts are committed, for which one becomes ashamed. Don't give in to your emotions.

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