How to truly support a person who has cancer
'25.01.2018'
Source: Wonderzine
Imagine a figurative situation: a friend of a person has cancer. Unfortunately, in the world cancer incidence is estimated in tens of millions of diagnoses per year, so everyone can be in a similar situation. You are experiencing a storm of emotions, and really want to support in deeds, not in words. That which is worth talking and doing, and what is better to avoid, tells Wonderzine.
Stay close
More often than not, as the head of the Clinic of Outpatient Oncology and Hematology, Mikhail Laskov, says, out of fear, because of a lack of understanding of the problem and inability to support people simply disappear from the horizon of the sick. This type of avoidance never works. Do not know what to say and do, admit it, but be sure to say: "I am with you."
Be honest
Relatives and friends often try to filter the data that goes to the sick person in order to “protect” him from the harsh truth. All this is felt like a deception - a person will still find information, hear, learn, and at the same time will not be able to discuss it with loved ones. Don't pretend that there is no cancer, even if you find it difficult to talk about it. Do not avoid the topic of death, dismissing the patient's desire to talk about it. Be honest and open, this will help you best.
Do not overprotect
A person with a disease remains an adult, he is quite capable of making decisions on his own. It is more important for someone to live longer, even with heavy "chemistry" and in bed, for someone - better and brighter, so he can refuse treatment and spend the rest of the time, for example, traveling. This is his right. Remember also that there is usually time to decide on a particular course of treatment: you can try to combine both a lifelong dream and therapy.
Be patient
Many people with cancer feel like a burden. When they talk about it, the last thing they want is to see expressions of despair and panic on their faces. It is best to thank the person for their sincerity and emphasize that you are there. There is no need to try to “be in his shoes”, your resources also have a limit, or reproach yourself for showing a little more or less feelings somewhere. Staying in good shape, having a sense of humor is better than being “badly supportive”.
No 'hold on', tips and stories
Everyone knows that there are people out there who have beaten cancer. But such stories only tire the sick. The comments of close friends who have gone through such an illness will be more valuable. Please do not ask to "hold on", it devalues all the efforts of the person and sounds formal. Unsolicited advice is also unnecessary. If you are not an expert doctor, you do not need to complicate the patient's choice of clinic, method of treatment, and other things with your ideas about applying plantain to a tumor. Much better to turn on the computer and find something really important and necessary information.
Help the relatives of the sick
Oncology is very expensive, difficult and long. Instead of expressing formal regrets, it would be much more productive to organize help to the relatives of the sick person and himself. The sick person’s relatives experience a storm of emotions and fears, so it becomes difficult for them to carry out trivial things. To bring something, take it, buy it, take it away, wash it, take it away, help with money is very important and valuable. Such help is really real.
Live not only by disease
A person with cancer can feel on the side of life - everyone has daily worries, studies, work, children, a problem, and he is just an observer. Perhaps much better than asking about the disease, will talk about your ordinary life. Do not behave with him, as with the helpless, try to help him live the same way as before the diagnosis. But do not forget to follow the well-being, so that joy was not a burden.
