The article has been automatically translated into English by Google Translate from Russian and has not been edited.

How to stop looking for the guilty and start living

Sergey Evelev

writer, TV and radio host

'02.01.2020'

Whatever side you look at, and the life of each of us can be divided into two periods.

Фото: Depositphotos

In the first of them, we know exactly who is to blame for what. Parents - that we were born. Yes Yes exactly. We really give birth to children for ourselves, but what did you think? In addition, they sometimes remind us of this themselves: "I did not ask you to give birth to me!"

The school is to blame for being bored there, boring teachers and poor quality marijuana. Girls behave inappropriately (in middle and high school) in terms of boys. Well, boys are also not a gift - from the point of view of girls. Parents do not have answers to questions; they don’t have enough money to buy everything overnight and now. While employers do not have enough brains to understand: you are the best candidate for the job you like. At the same time, the tax administration also lacks something, and they demand that you work for them a third of your time.

And so on and so forth. This list can be continued on one hundred pages. But on some day, almost everyone has a turning point. There can be a great many reasons for this, one of which is that the time has just come. You stop blaming everyone and don't start blaming yourself. This is the main difficulty of the transition. You just understand that the world does not revolve around you. It was not created to solve your problems, and you will have to decide, as well as create them (in many cases). At this moment, everything turns from head to foot (although someone, probably, is the opposite), and life begins to slowly enter a new rut, which you have to get used to.

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If the wife who left me is not to blame, and I am also not to blame, then who then? The ability to hang this question on a rope, like laundry, and leave it fluttering in the wind, comes gradually. But when an ingenious answer to the question “why” matures in a person's mind "because"suitable for all issues, a person for the first time in his life gains freedom. Everything happens because it happens. Why did you fall out of love with a woman? Because! Why did your son become a drug addict? You loved him so well and brought up so well, setting the best example? Because! Why did you give her a raise, brainless, but beautiful, but not for you? Because! And thousands more questions, and all - one answer. As soon as a person learns not to destroy himself with stupid searches for answers to questions that do not have an answer, life will come into its own and reward the applicant with years of joy, calmness, self-confidence, and also the absence of depression.

Depression is either the inability to find answers to questions, or the unwillingness to accept the answers found, or ... unwillingness to look for them at all. Having said “therefore,” you thereby acknowledge that many phenomena in life are beyond your control. They happen by coincidence, and even Scotland Yard often cannot unwind the whole ball and understand what happened. And we are with you - and even more so. And if we can't, then we shouldn't.

Free yourself from suffering. It didn’t work here. Why? Because. That is, do not look for the guilty. Finding them, you will not solve the problem, most likely. You will spend time, you will be angry, nervous, sort things out, swim in bad, evil energy, you will get sick and maybe even die. I'm not kidding. Heart rupture does not come from happiness, at least that's what doctors say. The main motto is: "We do what we can, and there - whatever happens."

And it is not necessary that everyone agrees with me today. Those who consider this stupidity, foolishness, unwillingness to take responsibility will be mistaken. And life will certainly show and prove to them, and more than once. This is the share of responsibility to ourselves and others. It consists only in the following: you stop blaming the hot soup for being hot, and the wind for blowing. You make a decision and know that no matter how it happened, you did what you could and considered it right at that moment. What happened after that is not the work of your hands. Or legs. This is life, and there are too many terms in it for any of us to consider himself a god, and therefore responsible for the movement of all particles in a direction convenient for him. We all, including the most talented and brilliant, are just people, and each of us performs his function, task, role, if you like, in this life.

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On this thorny path, the main and only, from my point of view, everyone’s business is to try to get closer to understanding why you are here. What should I understand, find, do? And even the realization that very little depends on you is already a giant step forward. Yes, I am responsible for everything that I have done. But, having kicked the ball with the foot, I am not responsible for the air pressure inside the ball, the force of the wind and the thoughts of the spectators sitting in the stands of the stadium, regarding the trajectory of the ball and the presence of my two left legs, as I always beat (from their point of view) not there.

I know that this concept will seem to many to be indigestible. But this is not my concern. My task is to share with others the thoughts that arise in me that find both supporters and opponents. And this is wonderful. I welcome both. The main thing in my essay, if I repeat myself, is to stop looking for those who can be blamed for their own failures, losses, inability to live and communicate with themselves and others. Everything else written here can be tasted and, if you do not like it, spit out. And if you like it - chew, swallow and share with other impressions of the aftertaste.

Personally, I think so.

If you want to talk with me about it - go to my page in facebook.

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