How men devalue women's achievements and talents: opinion
'23.11.2020'
Source: Lady.mail.ru
The familiar formula "a man brings a mammoth and a woman prepares it" no longer works by default, says Morena Morana, a psychologist and sexologist, for Lady.mail.ru. Next - from the first person.
Most women go out in the morning to the big world, where they also hunt mammoths of various sizes. And in the evening they return home with a carcass on their shoulder.
Alas, this wonderful circumstance becomes for some husbands not a reason for joy and pride in their wife, but only a reason for jealousy and anxiety. After all, if ready-made life formulas do not work, then you will have to derive a new one, your own. And it is not a fact that the place of a husband and a breadwinner in it will be as exclusive.
I am sure that there is a special place where Gosha's locksmiths from the film "Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears" live, huddled in flocks, wild and lonely, who have not been able to come to terms with the fact that their woman is really successful.
There all night long a terrible howl and screams are heard: "I'm a catch!" Although in most cases such radical changes are not observed, and a man neurotized by the distribution of roles in the family is limited only to the growing of psychological defenses. Well, we women have to somehow interact with this.
Depreciation
One of the most dastardly ways to protect yourself from reality. It consists in minimizing the woman's contribution to the family - material, physical, emotional. Everything done by her is recognized as light, secondary, semi-automatic. This allows you to continue playing the role of earner and maintain the status quo, at least in your own eyes.
This is how legends about wonderful enterprises arise, where women only eat cakes at a speed, saw nails and get paid for this. Which, of course, they spend only on their "Wishlist".
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It is for such men that modern equipment does all the housework, a self-assembled tablecloth, a self-tattered sheet, a flying carpet. And the reasonable objection “if it’s so easy, then do it yourself” does not work.
Alas, this defense has the worst predictions. The self-esteem of people who constantly use it is inadequate. They regularly suffer from the harsh reality, and by closing from it, they make others suffer. And yes, devaluation is a form of psychological abuse.
Denial of reality
If a carcass brought by a man is not much like a mammoth, and you want to remain a breadwinner, at least in your own eyes, then you can use the magical power of auto-training. For example, consider the salary from different angles and repeat many times that it is a mammoth, and not a ram or, say, a ferret.
And if reality refuses to meet their expectations, then the wife is declared guilty, who is simply not a good housewife and does not know how to competently manage funds.
Such a man resembles the hero of a Soviet cartoon who sincerely believes that five hats can be sewn from one skin. And at the rate of one minimum wage - to feed five people, including children and a cat.
The worse the true state of affairs, the higher the requirements for the “mistress of the house”. It comes to the point that a person can completely lose touch with the world around him and live in his own imaginary. Where food prices are four times lower, where sunflower oil grows on trees, and bread spontaneously spawns in the kitchen, where new things are given away for free, and children eat pasta for months, and are only happy.
Checks and joint trips to the supermarket for groceries can be used as a remedy, as well as the resettlement of the "earner" on free bread. They say it helps.
Identifying yourself with more powerful mammoth miners
In this case, a strange argument is used: they say, I have a small mammoth. But for men in general, for the most part ... in a historical perspective ... the mammoth is always larger and fatter. So don't buzz!
On the surface, such reasoning, which usually takes place “in interest groups” on the Internet, seems like innocent entertainment. Well, several dozen men gathered, sitting at their computers, flashing their heads against the background of a glowing monitor, telling each other how they created civilization. So what?
And in the short term, such an activity really allows you to relieve steam and irritation and has a mild psychotherapeutic effect. But if we talk about a long-term prognosis, then this activity is extremely harmful, since it consists in clinging to other people's fame and achievements only on the basis of gender. Of course, in such a scenario, one cannot develop one's own achievements, alas.
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Rationalization
Intellectual search and pseudoscientific substantiation of traditional roles, the discovery of the “gene for washing the toilet bowls”.
If there are absolutely no arguments in favor of why a man who receives a salary approximately equal to that of his wife has the right to lie on the couch with a phone or go to the TV series instead of homework, and his wife does not, is not foreseen, then you need to create them yourself.
Science is called to help, or rather, pseudoscience, which ascribes to women special needs, without which they will wither away. And, which is typical, this is not about going to the spa and not about an evening with a book on the couch.
I have heard about special "caring genes" that make ladies go to the stove after a work shift. Or even about the “gene for washing toilets”, with which, they say, this exciting activity happens much faster and more painlessly than in men. Nature, what can you do ...
It is good to block such attacks with the same weapon. For example, to designate the opponent: "gudding" in the kitchen or "gadding" in the refrigerator. And declare war on them, in a joking manner. Motivation, of course, is in the style of elementary school, but if a woman needs this relationship, then why not?
Well, on the whole, there is only one method of dealing with the psychological defenses of men who have not yet invented new roles for themselves, except for the worn-out "miner" - to know them by sight, increasing their psychological literacy. After all, only by calling the disease by name, and knowing its signs, one can hope for recovery.
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