How to quickly calculate the Alphonse and not get into his network
'10.09.2018'
Source: Life.ru
Alphonse from Pervouralsk Alexey Medvedev was recently sentenced to five and a half years in prison for fraud. According to the investigation, 30-year-old man met with a local resident Svetlana Shcherbakova and said that he works in law enforcement.
Soon after, he moved to the woman in the apartment and, under various pretexts, asked her for money, tells Life.ru. At first, he needed 40 thousand rubles for some needs, then more, more, more. As a result, Svetlana claims that she sold the car and constantly found more money - in the end she gave about a million rubles. And she told the police after she learned that Alfons had managed to sell her three-room apartment, inherited from her grandmother.
It turned out that the beloved is not a law enforcement officer, but an ordinary gigolo, who has already received two and a half years for fraud. However, he, as the local media write, escaped after the announcement of the sentence, and all this time he was wanted.
However, the story of Svetlana - not the only one lately. How not to fall into the hands of the gigolo, where they find the victims and what alarm bells should disturb you in the first few minutes of dating. About it Layfu told psychologists.
Alfonso types
Psychologists note that gigolos are divided into several types. The first is honest. This type includes those where the "relationship for money" is agreed in advance. That is, a man renders intimate services to a woman, she pays him.
- If this happens by an explicit, negotiated mutual agreement, then this version of the relationship cannot be definitely called healthy, but, in any case, it is honest, and it is assumed that two adults signed an oral or written cooperation agreement. This is the first type of relationship with gigolos, - said psychologist Anna Belyaeva.
Another type of relationship is when a woman did not give her explicit consent to such “cooperation”, but undertook to “save” a supposedly drowning man in the hope that he was about to get things right and he would start making money.
- But, as a rule, the situation lasts for years, scandals can be caused by this, a woman is dissatisfied with the state of affairs, a man can also be dissatisfied, often more with a woman’s displeasure than with her own failure, but in general none of them radically change the situation - says the psychologist.
What does he look like
Psychologist Alexander Agrashenkov divides gigolos into “honest” ones who openly offer their own services, and disguised ones. In the second case, a woman counts on sincere feelings, but in reality she gets a person living at her expense, or, even worse, a real fraud. Behind him, in addition to disappointment in him, he can leave a huge number of loans.
Psychologist Alexandra Florova noted that in her practice there are often victims of gigolos who met her devout on a specialized website.
- And it is acquaintance on the Internet that can most often result in the establishment of a criminal case. Let's start with the fact that now, in fact, the Internet is sometimes available in the colonies, and many prisoners have the opportunity to freely communicate in social networks or on dating sites, says the psychologist.
During their imprisonment, the arrested "pump" skills in the field of recognition of their own victims, and also master the subtleties of love correspondence. A girl is chosen who does not know how to say a confident “no”, who is deprived of male attention and who easily makes contact, and after a while she is made a “student”.
If we are talking about a personal acquaintance, this person is most likely wearing an expensive suit, he has an expensive perfume: his gigolos can throw dust in their eyes. And yet these men often demonstrate women's traits: excessive emotionality, love of shopping and sales, says psychologist Natalya Priymachenko.
Why do women fall into their hands?
- The underlying reason is a low level of female self-esteem, lack or complete lack of self-love, self-acceptance. By the way, this is also the main reason for female loneliness, the absence of a worthy man in the life of a lady. It is this, and not external data (including weight and dimensions), not “bad luck” or lack of men around, ”says Agrashenkov.
Anna Belyaeva emphasizes that the typical victim of the Alphonse has long understood and decided that she is not valuable in itself, is not significant, cannot rely on a man, cannot simply receive love and warmth from surrounding people, but truly close relationships - this is the worst for her.
- For a sense of self-worth and significance, as well as for at least some semblance of warmth, love and intimacy, she has to pay. In these cases, the payment is made in cash, says Belyaeva.
Moreover, a lady with low self-esteem is "read" by men at the subconscious level.
- After all, for her, deprived of male attention and love, a light “gentleman's set” of that very attention, admiration and care is enough for her to “float,” says the psychologist.
And against the background of many complexes and fears he appears. All so attentive, enthusiastic, caring. In this case, most often (although not necessarily) looking after oneself, well-groomed, pleasantly smelling, tastefully dressed, and often - also richly packed.
Фото: Depositphotos
"Alarm calls"
First of all - stop chatting and open your eyes. Is it true that behind the interlocutor's curiosity there is only the desire to know you? Why then is he interested in yours, for example, salary and the presence of an apartment on the first date?
- First of all, to be initially attentive, and not to start after the first date to build in your head scenarios of wedding, living together, bringing up common children.
“If your new-found prince is very thoroughly interested in your life, work, income, and leisure, and doesn’t tell anything intelligible about himself, be wary,” advises Agrashenkov.
Alphonses prefer not to go into the details of their own life (especially work), so as not to accidentally "puncture". Their arsenal of answers is not facts, but emotions, feelings, hugs and kisses.
- If a person says that he has his own business, ask him about it. A person who really has his own business will be pleased to talk about him, as well as his successes, the difficulties he has overcome, advises Anna Belyaeva.
Suppose you started dating. He constantly writes SMS, sends flowers, falls asleep with calls and says that after five minutes he is bored without you? Stop. And when does he make money?
Take a closer look at how your friend is dressed. The point is not about the high cost of the suit - as a rule, there are no problems with the gigolos. The questions are that his habits must match his suit. The most banal - a man in a suit for 100 thousand rubles asks you to pay the bill in a cafe. Does it seriously embarrass you? Even if a person is very practical (read - greedy), he will most likely offer to pay in half.
And even more tense up, if he easily and simply spends a little money on you, and at some point he suddenly asks (in debt, for a while) a serious amount.
- The most common reasons for this in Alfonso are very compelling: a serious illness (mother, child, great-nephew, purebred neighbor's cat), deception from partners and money, the threat of life from gangsters, if he does not immediately collect the required amount, lack of funds - on promising projects, from which he (and most importantly - and you) will then simply bathe in money, - assures Agrashenkov.
The main thing: he assures that the difficulties are sudden and temporary.
“If a person says that he is now in a temporary crisis, then you can ask what he is doing to overcome it, what plans he has for the future and how long he has been in this crisis,” notes Belyaeva.
There is another option - positive. Here he has a brilliant business project that will certainly work and one hundred percent will be a success. But you need money, thousands of 100. Well, not enough - he already invested a million, sold the apartment.
- If he plans to organize a business, it is important to understand what a person lives on now and plans to live while the business is in the initial stage. In general, the connection with reality will help, says Belyaeva.
By the way, if you meet through the sites, there is another bell. But this is not necessarily the Alphonse - perhaps just a crook.
“Therefore, the most important rule is to look at two things when meeting online: no photos with a bare torso in bed or a rose in the mouth, no photos with insanely expensive cars. In general, if a man is surrounded by luxury goods in photographs, there is a high probability of running into a fraudster, says Alexandra Florova.
According to her, truly rich men are almost never registered on dating sites. Most often they do not have time for this, and they rarely use the services of agencies.
Infrequently, on such sites men are registered and with a level of wealth above the average, but those who would like to meet a decent girl will choose a paid dating site for serious relationships and connect a package of services to view photos and to correspond with unlimited messages.
And most importantly - what to do
Agrashenkov advises: take any signal from the above as a bell alarm and run away from this “in love with you” without looking back.
Anna Belyaeva proposes not to act radically - just enough to stop providing it. From the word at all.
- Spend your money only on yourself. And even better - to send what goes to the maintenance of a man, to his own psychotherapy, and he calmly, with love in his voice and eyes, but confidently say that you love him very much and are willing to wait for him to start earning, but are not ready contain it more, because it makes you uncomfortable, says Belyaeva.
In the latter case, the gigolo will throw a tantrum or disappear, or maybe both, after thoroughly testing you for strength and making sure that you are unshakable in your decision. A man who is really “temporarily lost” will go to earn money, experts say.
- The main thing to remember is that a normal man will never solve his problems at your expense. On the contrary, he will be ready to take responsibility for you, to take care and protect, ”Natalya Priymachenko noted.
