How to return to normal life after the New Year without stress and longing
'03.01.2021'
Source: Psy.su
New Year is a holiday that since childhood has been associated for us with expectations of a miracle, magic and hopes that the good Santa Claus will recognize and will certainly fulfill the most cherished desire. But childhood, as you know, ends, and for many adults, preparation for the holiday, celebration and long post-New Year holidays are accompanied by stress, disappointment and depression, reminds Psy.su.
One day on January XNUMX, a sobbing friend called me: “Imagine, I have a lot of free time, I sat at the table, I got presents, the city is beautiful all over with lights, and I have longing in my heart. What kind of freak I am, huh? .. ".
The friend was able to calm down, explaining that many people experience disappointment after the New Year. Summing up the results leads to the realization that the past year was not as great as we wanted, and the Napoleonic plans, built for the next year, are frightening in their grandeur. It is after the holidays that some people impulsively file for divorce or change their lifestyle dramatically by quitting their jobs.
It's great when such a decision helps to change life for the better, but sometimes impulsive actions only exacerbate existing problems. Psychologists of crisis services know that January is a hot time for them (it's not for nothing that many call it the most depressive month of the year): they call alone, suffering from the fact that there is no one to spend time with, spouses who are experiencing a quarrel call, they call disappointed with the holidays and do not where to put yourself. And specialists who advise on-site, after the New Year holidays, do not have to complain about the absence of clients ...
As the psychotherapist, candidate of medical sciences Dmitry Viktorovich Kovpak explains, the risk of serious disappointment after the New Year is associated with human illusions. The more we hope that the holiday mood will happen by itself, the more we will be disappointed that this does not happen: “Often these days people are waiting for a miracle from outside, but in vain. In quarrels, they present claims to each other that have been accumulating for more than one month, not realizing that the holidays can only serve as catalysts for those difficulties that were before.
Psychological problems often lie behind conflicts - inability to adequately share their feelings, to be aware of their desires and needs and to clarify this.
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Adults, unlike more spontaneous and joyful children, often do not have time to quickly switch from numerous tasks to a relaxed festive mood, and moreover, they sometimes do not know how to create a holiday atmosphere for themselves and others.
They spend money on gifts, but forget that money cannot buy festive mood and intimacy. They do not know that the termination of work, like a marathon, is better to end by gradually slowing down the pace, and not abruptly throwing it. They do not realize that a holiday implies a certain preliminary attitude towards it, a kind of initiation and that it is also an active form of life, in front of which, sometimes it would be nice to have a preliminary rest. And that even a celebration is better to plan, correctly allocating and investing your strength, energy and other resources. And if you don’t know how, learn it. ”
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The first step to the solution of the problem - to admit that it is taking place. Say to yourself: “Yes, I was hoping that this New Year would be joyful and the holidays interesting, but this is not happening. What am I feeling now? " Realize and accept all your feelings - maybe it is disappointment, anger, resentment, confusion, melancholy, despondency, or something else. It is helpful to remind yourself that feelings are not right or wrong, they just are.
The second step - to realize that this problem is not related to the badness of the surrounding world and I am not a bad person either. All of us periodically face disappointments, go through them, and through this we learn something new. This means that all the energy that goes into accusations can be directed into a constructive channel.
The third step - to determine what exactly is lacking for a feeling of happiness and satisfaction, what can I do in order to become a little happier today, right now. And do something small but pleasant for yourself.
Here it is important to avoid maximalism "I want everything at once" and dreaminess "if I were a king ...". Assuming that I, as I am now, can do something pleasant for myself right now, you can find a surge of strength that will really help to carry out your plan. And it turns out, for example, that joy brings the simple and accessible - to get out of the house and take a walk in the park in the daytime, call a friend whom I haven't called for a long time, read a book or go on an excursion ...
The fourth step - to realize what I want to learn in the future, so that my life becomes more interesting and suits me more. For example, to communicate constructively with your husband, maintain relationships with your mother-in-law, fool around with your child, enjoy your leisure time alone, or, conversely, organize holidays for others ... There are many options. And if you haven't written plans for the coming year yet, it might be time to start doing it.
Flexible planning will help to avoid postponing the implementation of plans into the distant future:
“Planning, according to Ukhtomsky's research, forms a dominant in the human psyche, which helps to realize the desired plans. But too large-scale, unrealistic plans and excessive demands on oneself, on the contrary, demoralize, form learned helplessness. It is more useful to use a realistic, flexible and achievable plan that uses no more than 80 percent of current resources, - says Dmitry Viktorovich Kovpak, - The first time it may turn out not quite as you expected - as joker doctors say, "the first pancake is in a coma." It is helpful to remember that you can only rely on skills, and they should be pre-trained. The next important principle of training is the sequence, usually in stages, often in steps. It is necessary to maintain sufficient motivation to make efforts consistently and systematically. It is better to learn constructive contact with oneself and others, productive activity, not demanding global and immediate success from oneself, but accepting the speed of achievements and their volume, which can be realized by systematically applying one's efforts. "
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Fifth step - go to practice: act and praise yourself for these efforts. You can resort to the help of a psychologist who will help you walk more confidently and become a guide along the way.
Be that as it may, New Year's holidays are coming to an end, one way or another. And if we learn at least a little to understand ourselves and others today, we will be happier tomorrow.
