From Saratov to California: what attracted and pushed the Russian woman over 6 years of life in the USA
'20.09.2019'
Source: ru-open.livejournal.com
Elena was born and lived in Saratov for 23 years, but for 6 years, the girl lives in California and shares with her readers her observations and thoughts about another country. The story of Elena published in LiveJournal ru_open.
Why california
My husband and I were planning to leave Saratov for a long time, but we didn’t think much about foreign countries. When he was offered a contract in California, we weighed the options and decided to agree. My husband at that time was in the United States once, and I never once trusted in his judgment about the country. 6 years have passed, and I still believe that I have not trusted in vain.
California is very different from most US states in many ways, and besides it, I would like to live only in a couple of others, including due to the climate.
First impression
Only nature really surprised me (especially considering that we hadn’t traveled anywhere before).
I don’t remember the cultural shock - before moving I read a lot of various forums in order to get as prepared as possible. Here are some of the things that caught my eye: healthier pricing for essentials, vast distances with a backward public transportation system, national and ethnic diversity in the San Francisco Bay area where we moved, and the number of mentally ill and / or homeless people on the streets. And the size of the servings in restaurants - for a long time we ordered one dish for two.
Over time, I got used to everything, not everything, however, I reconciled myself, otherwise the list of “top things that enrage in the USA” would have been empty. And so I got used to local units of measurement (I use different systems depending on the situation), and to traffic jams, and to the peculiarities of work and communication with specific nationalities, and so on.
Although no, there is something else to get used to and getting used to, but it is more inherent in the work sphere and concerns the mentality, and therefore it is difficult to adjust: it is an extremely cautious attitude to other people's feelings and personal boundaries. Especially at work, it is taken to extremes, which, on the one hand, complicates communication, but on the other hand, makes it possible in the conditions of an incredible variety of views, cultures and mentalities.
First difficulties
After moving, I had no right to work for almost 3 years (I had an H4 visa). After spitting on the ceiling of the house, I went to retrain as a development engineer at a local “technical school”. The husband paid for the education - he said that it was his best investment. She received a residence permit almost simultaneously with her diploma, and thanks to the recommendation, I managed to find a job pretty quickly, but there it was already gone. The past year was very busy: I managed to get a job at Google, and a little later became a mother, so life changed dramatically again.
About the differences
I would not undertake to describe the USA and Americans, because I know them very little. There is little "American" where we live. So I can just list some of the things that come to mind.
They like a simple vacation: go to a restaurant with a family, go to the cinema, put a chair between the grill and the beach and sit all day eating meat and beer and listening to music. Distances are large, and public transport is so-so (this does not apply to cities such as New York and Seattle), so the main movements are by car. In California, many are obsessed with ecology, organic products, electric cars, and garbage sorting, and in most other states, a huge five-liter pickup truck, dinner at McDonald's and buying food in excess of family needs is considered normal.
They dress mostly sloppy, especially girls. But the Taylor Swift concert at the baseball stadium is an occasion to put on your favorite cocktail dress.
Americans are very loud, especially women. Sometimes it’s so unlucky to be in a cafe with a company of friends who have chosen a monthly brunch, which can be deafened.
What stereotypes about the USA are completely untrue
What are the stereotypes in fashion nowadays? If “they are all stupid and don’t know where Europe is located,” then yes, there are such, but again, in my social circle (at work, for example) such are not noticed.
On the subject: 'Everyone supports each other, except for Russians': how the 44-year-old Russian woman began life from scratch in the USA
That “they hate Russia”? Yes, the older generation from the central states grew up on this and you cannot convince them. Yes, the stratum that is influenced by the media is also indignant, it’s not because of a big mind, nationality has nothing to do with it. But otherwise everything is exactly what the stereotypes are.
About Americans
Living in Silicon Valley, for 6 years I didn’t recognize so many Americans, but the more I learn, the more I understand that they can only be compared as people - there are good, open, honest and balanced people, but there are so-so ones.
In general, here it’s too late, by our standards, to create a family, although they can live engaged for years. Children are brought up and they buy housing later, but the younger generation doesn’t think much about housing - many people don’t have a car, it’s a burden for them. But those who have children often give themselves entirely to parenthood, and the whole outside world, except the family, ceases to exist for them.
I had both a very pleasant and terrible experience with Americans, but in general they are more friendly and more respect personal space. But when I think of my peers living, for example, in Moscow, I see fewer differences. This makes me think that the younger the generation, the nations become closer in mentality. Perhaps this is due to globalization.
I would highlight two main differences in the mentality of an American and a Russian. The first is that the American will go away from a direct answer to the last, and will perceive a simple “no” as a challenge and will try to turn it into a “yes”, while the Russians are more straightforward. The second is more about a generation older than me and consists in the fact that the Americans are accustomed to relying only on themselves, and the Russians all hope that the state will take care of them.
Top Unpleasant Features
- Tip system. This is No. 1 for centuries. A stupid system that transfers responsibility from the employer to the client. Tipping traditions also vary in different countries, which often puts them in an uncomfortable position on travel.
- Disrespect for someone else's time. This applies to the service industry and does not cease to enrage. Builders who are not only at the appointed window (usually 2 hours), but who are not at all; doctors for whom you wait for an hour, although he came on time, and so on. But if you yourself stay in traffic for 10 minutes, you will hear at the registration desk: “You are very late, we will not be able to receive you”.
- Health care system. In short, with the most powerful equipment there are few specialists who can draw conclusions based on the operation of these devices; total submission of the system to insurance companies; the lack of preventive medicine.
Top things you like
- Climate. But this is flavoring and applies only to the west coast. In the same category I will take nature and the ocean.
- Calm attitude to immigrants. There is nothing to say here, it helped us a lot to get used to and settle down.
- Any confidence in the future. This is a difficult topic, there are many “buts” in it, although here I feel relatively calm.
- According to my observations, hard work is paid much more often. And people who have risen from nothing by years of effort are respected here, they are role models.
- Accessibility and developed infrastructure for traveling within the country, whether it's a two-hour trip to the weekend or 2-week adventure.
What Russian things do I miss
Sometimes there is a lack of a normal “Russian” answer to a question, for example, when you ask for feedback at work. In Russia, albeit sometimes harshly, they will say everything as it is, bluntly. The feedback is immediately softened, it is difficult to discern the essence behind it. In my opinion, this causes paranoia in a Russian person - all the time it seems that you were so transparently hinted that you did not understand.
On the subject: 'This city is a struggle for survival': how the Russian woman of 3 lived in New York on a tour
Should be adopted
It would not hurt the Americans to take a simpler approach to certain issues of society and not bring the solution of these issues to absurdity. And still stop putting tons of sugar in everything that is potentially edible.
Russians would have more mind their own business - not to get into their own business at the household level. And also remember that if someone has a bad mood or problems at home, then it is not necessary to behave so that everyone within a radius of 10 meters also becomes ill.
Funny situations
When traveling by train from Los Angeles to Seattle, at lunch in a dining car, she ended up at the same table as two elderly men. One was from San Francisco and kindly supported the conversation while we ate, and the second was from somewhere in the middle republican states and spoke to me exactly until I said that I was from Russia. He immediately looked away and for the rest of the dinner did not even look in my direction. He probably still has a bunker under his house full of fresh canned goods.
The image of Russia in the American media
I try not to read a lot of news, because for the most part modern media on both sides of the ocean is a shame of journalism. Any topic that is beneficial to at least someone is inflated to the scale of a national tragedy, causing mass hysteria among the overwhelming majority of the population, which usually does not read more than loud headlines. There is no propaganda, but there is cheap populism, not only on the “Russian question”.
America's biggest problem
The depth and power of the roots that the lobby has taken in all spheres of life and governance of the country, starting with the food industry and ending with the military sector. It is very difficult to deal with this, especially taking into account how the branches of power in the country are generally organized.
What life in another country taught
Every day I still learn a more balanced attitude towards the people I meet in everyday life: more polite, not invading their personal lives, calmer to their differences from how I live. But from myself 6 years ago, I already differ very much.
In Saratov, I always lacked something (not only in the material aspect). Here I saw my “destination” - how I would like to live in 10, 20, 30 years, and what I need to do to come to this. Or maybe the move has nothing to do with it, and I just gradually understand what I want from life.
