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Immigration, woman, career

Sergey Evelev

writer, TV and radio host


The eternal question, acutely facing any woman: to be a mother, a housewife and a wife, to make a career or try to sit on two chairs at the same time? Ponder writer and radio host Sergey Evelev.


It is not easily solved even in the country of birth and residence. But in immigration it is even more acute and requires a full-fledged decision and one hundred percent following along the path already taken.

No one here will give advice, at least he should not, and there are several reasons for this. The main thing is that the council is often a mistake in itself and leads a person away from him by the personally prescribed life and fate of the road. The counselor, without knowing it, answers the question:

- What would you do if you were me? But after all, we can never be in the place of another, and therefore we cannot and have no right to push the questioner somewhere. We can ask questions, giving the future mother-wife-careerist (in a good sense of the word) the opportunity for herself to draw pictures of an alternative future in several versions, in the hope that one of them will seem to her preferable to others. Here questions like: how do you see yourself in this or that role, tomorrow, in a year, five or ten? What do you lose and what do you find? In what situation do you think it will be calmer in your soul, etc. As a result, these questions and the search for answers can move her to that barrier, beyond which the truth cannot advance a meter without deciding, not making up her mind.

But all these questions, no matter how clever they may seem at first glance, are in some sense devoid of logic, since none of us can imagine ourselves in a role in which we have not yet been, and also in a foreign country. This, if you will, is an equation with all the unknowns, and there is nothing to grasp. Wherever you look, a stormy ocean full of dangerous and unexplored currents, and the coast is not visible. And how will you feel, choosing the first, second or third, it will become clear, although also not immediately, then already, and not even immediately after the choice.

Are there cases of skillful career and family juggling where no one suffers? Yes. But it is a rarity, the same as the white peacock or the white whale. Here, perhaps, all the questions to herself, alone, in front of a mirror, not even in conversation with her husband, friend, dad, brother. I thought for myself, I decided it myself, I myself went along the chosen road and thus took upon myself the whole responsibility for the decision, no matter what it turned out, there was no one to blame. And it is in any case, oddly enough, will be correct. It always, in one hundred percent of cases, gives the opportunity to gain experience, positive, negative, any, but experience. And without this school in life you will never achieve anything, you will not decide, you will not understand.

It is very useful to write everything. Ask yourself questions in writing and answer them in the same way, and then re-read. What for, what against, what is unclear. And so, collecting information about others (without asking for advice), interviewing them in the right way, talking with a dozen mothers and wives, with a dozen of those women who have chosen a career, and, of course, with those who manage to combine and manage everything (if any) - possible prospects will begin, I think, to be seen. The main thing is to quickly brush aside the unsuitable options. What remains is for you. Of course, you don't want to be mistaken, but there is no direct way, there is only one that is "trial and error". Although these are not even mistakes, and so, additional lessons are just. And they, by the way, are called life, which is one long lesson with exams, fives and two, re-examinations, searches for cheat sheets, a desire to copy or at least spy on the correct answer. There are good and disgusting teachers there, and breaks too. There are vacations and years of hard study. There are friends / girlfriends, favorite subjects and the need to spend time on things that you don't want to do, but you need to. Remember the school? Well. And now is the time to come to the understanding that the rest of our lives are also a school for us.

Therefore, dare cute and do not be afraid. I wish you success and success in the thorny path of life, since we got it.

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