The Sad Child Inside: 12 Things You Unknowingly Do Due to Childhood Abuse
'17.02.2021'
Source: Heroine
Emotional abuse in childhood is considered "invisible" because it leaves no physical traces. What is often overlooked is the fact that the consequences of such treatment extend to adulthood, affecting self-esteem, worldview and ability to build relationships. I have collected several examples of how childhood in an unstable family can affect your actions in adult life. Heroine.
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Close yourself off from others
New people in your life may think that you are closed, not interested in a new relationship, or even arrogant. The inconsistency is that you are simply too trained to be careful and restrained and are trying your best not to scare the new interlocutor with your worries. It's better to suffer in silence and let everyone think you're okay than to give someone a chance to hurt you.
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Afraid of the bosses
Anyone can worry about being judged for a mistake - and they will certainly happen, because you are an ordinary person. You can be the best company manager with off-scale performance, but still feel like a little kid before talking to the director. This is most likely due to the fact that your parents paid a lot of attention to your mistakes, and not to your successes.
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Don't know how to say no
Strong association: if you say no, mom or dad will get angry, yell, or even beat. Even if they have not been around for a long time, you can still subconsciously follow this rule and agree to whatever is offered to you. One simple word is fraught with a big story - fortunately with these consequences.
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Afraid to change something
Even the simple decision that you need to change your hairstyle or at least shampoo can cause you fear and doubts if you were raised by abusive parents. Children from such families are constantly worried about the choices they make because they tend to distrust themselves. Decisions have always been made by someone else, and in adulthood this leads to the fact that you tend to just go on the knurled.
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Apologizing for other people's behavior
If you notice how you are constantly looking for a logical explanation for the bad actions of others, take responsibility for everything that happens and even apologize for the actions of your loved ones - most likely, this was the result of serious psychological problems from childhood. Your parents might not believe in you, ridicule and blame you for their own shortcomings, and this translates into an irrational fear that others will judge you. Embarrassment and shame are the main components of a shattered self-worth, and it is with them that you should start fighting.
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Thinking too much
People who have been raised in a toxic environment constantly ponder and analyze every word they say. If in your head any dialogue looks like a quest branch in a game in which you can play everything from one phrase, you still remain a victim of abusive behavior of your parents.
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Underestimating your problems
Self-esteem problems lead to another inner conflict - you tend to underestimate your problems. If you grew up with a toxic mother, chances are good that you will convince yourself and others that your problems are not that important, as long as there are so many really suffering in the world.
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Silence the problems
Untrained childhood traumas can easily be detrimental to adult communication. For example, you stop defending your boundaries during dialogues. The interlocutor may rudely interrupt you, but you will not put him in his place and will not return the conventional microphone to yourself - you will consider yourself boring and your opinion unworthy. All this leads to the fact that you gradually acquire a reputation for being silent, although it is a matter of fear of confrontation.
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Demonstrating childish behavior
People who have survived childhood in a toxic environment may pretend that they have no problems at all - they just have little emotion. If your name is the iron lady and you yourself tend to consider yourself a cruel person - you should think about that, do not hide all the emotional pain you have had to endure.
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Afraid of touch
Fear of physical contact and intimacy is what many victims of a toxic environment have in common. Even a light touch of your fingers on your hand can be enough to trigger an anxiety attack - especially if your parents used physical abuse as a discipline.
- Afraid of the death of loved ones
A completely normal fear for any person can be a real problem in situations where you are so afraid of losing people around you that you start pushing them away first. New people simply cannot find an approach to you, because you limit any emotional contact in order to avoid pain in the future.
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Show auto-aggression
At times when the pressure and expectations of others become too high, people from toxic families begin to harm themselves. It doesn't have to be physical abuse like cuts and scrapes; refusing to eat or drink also falls under the category of self-harm.
