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It's okay: how to get through the holidays if you hate New Year


Source: Burninghut

Sometimes it seems that a festive atmosphere and New Year's mood is what is required of every person from the first days of December. For some it is enough to revise "Love Actually", for others - to hang a garland at the desk. But what if the very thought of the New Year makes you angry, annoyed and upset? Burninghut understands the reasons and how to spend the holidays as calmly as possible.

Photo: Shutterstock

First of all: not to love the New Year is absolutely normal. It doesn't make you a bad person or the Grinch who stole Christmas. And believe me, if you think that everyone around you is in awe of the fifteenth cover of Last Christmas, it is not. Try to count how many people in early January will tell you how “glad it's over”. So no, you are not alone in this. And now let's figure out what is most often associated with a dislike for the holidays.

What the research says

A study by the Florida House Psychiatric Center found that 29% of people feel depressed during the Christmas season because they feel lonely. 69% believe that this period only reminds of how much they have no money. Psychotherapist Rachel Bukan notes: "If someone is lonely, grieving, experiencing separation or going through other personal adversity, this period can only worsen the serious condition." According to Bukan, all this is due to the fact that the holidays are a period that is associated with the importance of family and meaningful relationships.

In addition, we can experience negative emotions in advance, expecting a huge number of stressful situations from the New Year. Among the most common New Year's stressors:

1. Overeating

Many celebrations include a mountain of salads, desserts, and fatty foods. Some people like the idea of ​​overeating for several days, but for others it can only be a source of anxiety and unpleasant physical sensations.

2. Increased irritability

Holidays are all about planning, meeting and preparing gifts. This is a particularly difficult time for introverts. It turns out that the time in which we should rest and rejoice, we spend on preparation, anxiety and tension. Some begin to feel horror from impending plans as early as early December (and they can be understood).

3. Unpleasant conversations

A family holiday is not a joy for everyone. At a table with relatives, sometimes you have to answer incredibly incorrect and sometimes rude questions. And if it comes to politics, religion and coronavirus - imagine a message on WhatsApp, but now in the form of a live performance.

Take some time to write down anything you hate about the holidays. Perhaps something completely individual will be the trigger for you (for example, you are annoyed by the date itself - December 31). Knowing the specific causes of negative emotions can help you prepare in advance a strategy for coping with this period.

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If you feel lonely

Perhaps you are sad because all your loved ones are far away and you cannot meet them. Or you feel uncomfortable that everyone around you is preparing and doing something, but you are not. In any case, there are several options.

1. Look for volunteer projects

Volunteering will allow you not to sit still during the holidays, but to do something valuable and important. In order not to let anyone down, try to honestly assess your strength and carefully read the websites of the foundations and memos for volunteers.

2. Help those who live nearby

If older people live in your home, offer to help them. Probably, before the New Year, they will definitely need support. You can post announcements at the entrance with your contacts and name - write what exactly you can do (for example, go for groceries, walk the animals).

3. Go to an online party (or organize one yourself)

This will be the safest party option this year. Invite friends and family to get together on Zoom and come up with entertainment, such as:

  • watch the old issues of Blue Light;
  • play "Your Game" or "Imaginarium";
  • make musical breaks;
  • agree to cook several identical dishes so that you have the feeling that you are at the same table.

If you are annoyed by New Year's traditions and festive bustle:

1. Seek support

Dealing with difficult situations is easier if you find people with similar experiences. Suffice it to recall the studies that have shown that people with chronic diseases feel relief when they talk to people with the same diagnosis. Of course, dislike for the holidays is not a disease, but support will not be superfluous.

There is such an idea: write a comic post on social networks about creating a support group for everyone who hates the New Year. It may turn out that half of your friends themselves are shudderingly awaiting the impending holiday.

2. Change the New Year's rituals that annoy you

Remember when we suggested writing down specific things that you don't like about New Years celebration? Now think about how you can remake these rituals and traditions for yourself. Don't forget that you have complete creative control over how you spend your time. Here are some ideas:

  • arrange an anti-New Year movie marathon - watch thrillers, action films, horror films;
  • rename the New Year and make it a different holiday altogether - for example, Cheese Chips Day, on which you taste different brands of chips throughout the day;
  • if you don't like the fact that New Year is celebrated on the 31st, celebrate it at another time (and who will forbid you?).

Try to treat all this fuss with humor. While people are queuing up to buy alcohol and sweets, lie at home watching Scream or Carrier.

3. If you don't like New Year's parties, just say no

As a courtesy, don't settle for anything that doesn't make you happy. If friends and colleagues call you to parties, and you never want to attend them, refuse. Don't go into a detailed description of the reasons why you won't come. This is usually the behavior of people who lie. Think of a succinct answer in advance, for example: “Sorry, I can't come. I already have plans. "

4. Discuss in advance with friends and family your attitude towards gifts.

One of the most common stressors is gifts. If you want to give something to people, ask them to make wishlists or point out something specific. You don't have to spend hours scrolling through online stores, hoping to find something suitable. There is an even simpler option - agree with your loved ones not to give each other anything. This year it seems like a good decision, as many were left without a stable income.

5. Be kind to yourself

Don't judge yourself for your dislike of the holidays - this is a really tiring time. Think of activities that calm you down: yoga, meditation, dancing, listening to podcasts. Write them down on a piece of paper and refer to him in your free time. Remember, the holiday period will pass.

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If you definitely need to spend the holidays with your relatives, but this is stressful for you

Of course, it is not always possible to refuse an invitation. Especially if it is from relatives. Family time can be exhausting. To keep things a little simpler, try these steps:

1. Warn your loved ones in advance that you cannot be with them around the clock

You can even agree on a specific time period when you will not be disturbed. It is better to agree on this in advance, so as not to quarrel and not worry on the spot.

Before you react to stressors (questions about when will you finally have a child, find a new job, settle down, etc.), breathe. We often forget about breathing when we are under stress. Five seconds - inhale, five seconds - exhale.

2. Go for walks more often

Leaving home is a great way to distract yourself.

Don't try to solve family problems during the holidays. On New Year's Eve, we sometimes feel as if we absolutely need to close all unresolved conflicts. Should not be doing that. Write a letter and express all your dissatisfaction in it - so you can remember everything and raise the issue later.

3. Don't overdo it with alcohol

First, in a stressful atmosphere, it is important to provide yourself with maximum physical comfort (not having a hangover will help you with this). Secondly, a sober look will allow you to react more calmly to attacks in your direction and, if something happens, to defend your boundaries without aggression.

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