“I thought I’d become a drunkard like my parents”: the story of a girl from Belarus who was adopted in the USA
'15.03.2018'
Source: News.tut.by
The picture that changed the life of Natasha is long and deeply hidden in the family album. When she was 11 years old, missionaries from America came to their boarding school in Borisov.
It was the last day before their departure. Uncle Tolik, the leader of the group of believers, had only one frame left on the film, News.tut.by. He offered to take pictures, the girl agreed. The guests returned overseas, viewed pictures. They got to the card with a brown-eyed teenager, and Irina, Anatoly's sister, dropped: "This will be my daughter." Everyone laughed, but she was not joking. For the past 14 years, Natasha has been calling her mother.
Now Natasha 25. With her husband Bronislaw, they live in the small town of Westbrook near Portland. They have two sons - one 6 years, the second 7 months. She does not mind to give her real name, but refuses from the photo.
“From our apartment to the boarding school there were 10 minutes, but my mother never came to me”
“I was adopted in the summer, then I was already 12 years old,” Natasha returned with thoughts at that time. - I remember, before the departure we went with Irina and her husband Dvin to the market, and I thought: how cool - I am with my parents, and not with a bunch of children and a tutor. From that day on, I started calling them mom and dad.
- So simple?
- Recently, my mother told me: it was very difficult for her to address Dvin's parents with the words “mom” and “dad”. I didn't have such a problem after the wedding. Probably, the children from orphanages have no attachment to these words.
Natasha has big eyes, her hair is curled over her shoulders. She was born in Borisov. Her mother and grandmother drank, so in 8 years the girl was taken to an orphanage. First in Volozhin, then in Borisov - closer to the family. Hoping relatives come to their senses.
“From our apartment to the boarding school there were minutes of 10 walking, but my mother never came to me,” recalls the interlocutor. - The teachers let me go home to visit my grandmother and great-grandmother, whom I loved very much.
At the boarding school, Natasha lived in a room for four, studied well and did not dream that someone would ever adopt her. Everything, she reasoned, they want babies, they can be brought up in their own way. And who needs a teenager with a developed character?
- In our orphanage there were mostly guys from the first class and older, so no one really hoped to find new parents.
"And it was new: someone cares about me"
Irina is from Kazakhstan. In the 1990's Baptist community, she emigrated to the United States. Dvin is an American. Natasha began to go to church before she met them. At one time, she was impressed by the American volunteers who organized a camp for boarding school pupils.
“These people showed me a living faith,” she says enthusiastically. - Imagine, young guys did not regret the holidays and flew to us across the ocean for their money with adults. They were allocated several rooms in a hostel, we lived nearby and played together.
The girl periodically began to attend meetings in the Baptist church. Here she first saw her future parents.
“Irina and Dvin flew in from the States for a couple of weeks,” she still remembers that day in detail. - During the sermon, they sat down next to me and handed me a photo with Uncle Tolik. I was surprised: “Where did you get it from?”, But we never talked. Then they often went to the boarding school, but did not dare to say that they would like to take me with them.
Aunt Larisa, a Borisov acquaintance of a family who often went to an orphanage and was friends with many pupils, undertook to talk with the girl.
- They were afraid, I do not agree, but I listened and replied: "Yes." She answered very calmly, although inside she was shaking. That's how you live, nobody needs it. And then there are strangers who are ready to share their love with you. “How is this possible?” I did not understand.
The second time Irina and Dvin arrived in Belarus in the winter. Natasha fell ill, and they took her to Aunt Larisa.
“I remember how I woke up at night from a strong cough,” Natasha returns many years ago. - Mom got up, heated the tea and came to drink. And it was new: someone cares about me. Worried about the heat to me.
At the same time, the girl was warned: with her, the family also wants to adopt Andrei, another pupil of the orphanage. He was three years younger, until this news Natasha did not even pay attention to him.
- I always dreamed that I had someone younger. Therefore, when I learned about Andrew, I took the role of his elder sister, - Natasha smiles. - Constantly pestered: "When did you last brush your teeth?" Did you wash your socks? ” Somehow, already with my parents, we went shopping, and Andrew was small, he wanted to touch everything. And I was so embarrassed for his behavior, let's beat his hands: hide in his pockets. Irina stopped me and said: "Let me follow him, because I am his mother." And little by little, she took this function from me.
- And Andrei what?
- I think he himself liked my attention. It’s hard to imagine that 24 will soon be a brother, in April he will marry us.
And then the guys were just preparing for life in the States. Before the flight, Natasha decided for herself: she should not disappoint her parents. She planned to study excellently, and yet, while in Belarus, to deal with her teeth. Aunt Larissa once dropped: a dentist in America is very expensive. The girl was horrified: “I have 10 holes,” I began to run to the clinic. Remembers: two channels she did without frost. She suffered, she knew - it was necessary.
- The most annoying when they arrived in America, one tooth began to hurt badly. I was brought to the doctor, he shook his head: "We need to redo it."
"Here I first felt worthy of love"
Natasha flew to the States in the summer. Grandmother died in January, but they were not close with their mother. The first days at the new place the girl almost does not remember. Relatives say it was a shock.
“A year before me, the missionaries took Denis, my second cousin, from the boarding school. Mom says: I, when I saw him, hung on it and burst into tears. Strange, I don't remember any of this.
With the mom, dad and Andrei, the girl also had a brother and sister: Roma and Anastacia - the children of Irina and Dvina.
“In the boarding school, the tutors repeated: in America, Andrei will hold on to your skirt,” recalls Natasha. “But it turned out to be completely different.” We are very different with him. I am quiet, thoughtful, and he is cheerful and open. From the first days I became friends with Romka, he was then two years old, and Andrei was with six-year-old Anastayshaya.
- Felt a difference in attitude - they are relatives, and you are not?
“No,” says Natasha. - Mom always said that her own children were born to her physically, and Andrey and I - in the heart.
At first, Natasha tried to be inconspicuous, afraid to interfere.
“Here, for the first time, I felt that I was worthy of love,” she shares her feelings. - I used to think: if I was born in a family of drunkards, it means that I will become the same. Some teachers, when they were angry, said to the girls: you are like a mother, do not expect anything good in your life, your children will also come to the orphanage. When you are a child, these words are very hurt. But my new family made it clear to me: I am not bad and not to blame for growing up among drunks.
And Natasha loved when her mother came to her before bedtime “scratch the back and chat.” My relationship with my dad was different.
“At home and in the boarding school, only women brought me up, and then a man suddenly appeared,” she shares her observations. - How to behave with him, I did not know. Shy, but treated with respect. Began to observe what role he plays in the family. Dvin is very open, could approach, embrace. He knew Russian badly and, when he spoke, made a bunch of mistakes. I corrected him, we started to laugh. And it made us very close.
And only old fears reminded of themselves.
- I remember when the family gathered for dinner, we children ate quickly and ran away to play. And adults remained at the table - sit, laugh. And I immediately panic: probably someone will get drunk right now. With my Belarusian mother it has always been like this. If she laughs, it means drunk and now I have to take her home. And I occasionally came to the room where the adults were sitting and checked what was on their table. And they - believers, do not drink at all. For a long time I could not understand what happens. She was afraid everything would happen again.
“When my son was born, I wanted to go and tell my mother:“ I forgive you ”
In America, Natasha tried very hard to be like other girls. Changed hair, wardrobe, took up a foreign.
“My first year at school was just one lesson — English,” she recalls. - Immediately, I knew only the main phrases that my mother wrote to me and Andrey on the leaves. The language was easier for my brother, and after six months he was already fluent.
Natasha took a little more. By the way, in order to go to class with peers next year, she spent the whole summer studying the program of the 7 class, which she temporarily had to postpone.
“By the beginning of the school year, I brought a copybook with exercises to the director, he looked and allowed me to go to the 8 class right away,” recalls Natasha. - Learning was easy for me. After school, I wanted to become a radiologist or a dentist, but I got married and my plans changed. My husband programs fire systems. He considered: his salary for life is enough for us, and we decided: I will be at home. I always dreamed of taking care of children and family. I wanted to prove to myself: in my life everything will be fine.
Natasha did not hide from her mother that she wanted to adopt. She did not believe, but later, when the girl left, she began to write to her.
- I was not surprised by her first letter, I knew: she is in prison, sober - and therefore, there was a chance that she would think about me, - says the girl. - Mother apologized, tried to explain her actions. She said: study well, listen to your parents. I don’t know why she thought I would accept her advice.
Mother was freed, and the letters stopped coming.
- At first I was angry with her, then I didn’t care. And only when my son was born, I wanted to go and tell her: "I forgive you."
They met last October. There was nothing to talk about. Daughter said she was ready to communicate, left contacts. Since then, she has not heard anything about her mother.
“I pray for her,” says Natasha. - Often I think why Irina and Dvin then chose me, and I do not find the answer. It happens evening, the husband with the children plays in the hall, I'm in the kitchen. From the oven smells like food. And I have such grace in my heart. I think God had a plan for me, he gave me a chance to start with me a new tree of our Belarusian family.
