Opinion: why raising a musician or an athlete from a child is violence
'02.04.2022'
Source: Home
“How do you feel about circus? Do you think animal abuse is unacceptable? Then you can not read further. Most likely, you think the same thing about people, so don’t give your child to sports or professional music. ” Author Home Hearth - mother of a child with piano education - honestly described her experience. So honest that I wanted to do it anonymously.
But if you are dreaming not just about a child, but about a beautiful, elegant child playing talented classical music on the stage, and you still haven’t thought that this is the same circus, only with living children, which is a payment for temptation from the son or daughter of the brilliant soloist there will be violence, diseases and tranquilizers, - read. Yes, there is a chance for good luck, but there is a higher probability of disappointment and tragedy.
When you choose this path, it would be good to understand what lies ahead ... I did not understand.
By the age of five, my daughter began to show an inclination not only for drawing, dancing, but also for music, and I decided to give her a better education. So I decided, bruised by the culture, but not by the music school. The husband was categorically against it, because he had seven classes of piano and accordion behind him. I was ready to divorce him in this regard: the child has talent and prospects, how can we take away the future from our daughter ?! The husband did not want to get a divorce, he went forward in order to save the family. We took her to audition in the leading schools of the capital. Katya was accepted. With some reservations, after all, there are no musicians in the family, no one cooked, but she was suitable for hearing, musicality, artistry.
By the age of six, our Katya is a student of the honored worker of culture and the leading teacher of the school, she studies with the one who was able to prepare dozens of laureates and prize-winners of all conceivable competitions. I read the lists of successful students and imagined my daughter in this ranks. At that time, my maternal competencies were not enough for a simple question: how many students were there in total? How many of them did not go further because of a nervous breakdown? How many suicidal and anorexic among them? Announce the entire list, please. I didn't know what a "survivor error" was. I assessed the chances by looking at those who won, not wondering about the number and fate of the losers.
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My maternal pride triumphed, because the beautiful is far ahead of all of us.
School started off well. The first year went by in such a way that you can't imagine better. And the second one too. And then the golden childhood ended. There was a concert at which Katya took a back seat, played with mistakes.
- Why didn't you give her support? - complained more experienced mom.
- How it did not give? Here I am with her ...
- I'm talking about pills. Without doping, she will still screw up at your performances. Here everyone is sitting on something ...
I would take off my rose-colored glasses on this revelation, take my daughter by the rusenka and lead me away from the best school in Moscow, but I am very good, loving mother. Proud. Of course, everything will be different for me.
Naive.
A couple of months later, Katya was prescribed Phenibut, the neurologist casually talked about how many problematic (from the point of view of neurology) children are in our elite school.
“It is she from envy,” I had enough brains for an advanced idea. “Her kids don’t go to that kind of school…”
Kate continued to study.
The teacher was getting angrier. All wrong. Every lesson is wrong, every finger is wrong, every note. The closer the concert or offset, the stronger the degree of discontent.
“This is how character is tempered and talent is forged,” the next thought dawned on me, for which, in a good way, one can deprive parental rights.
I gave the go-ahead to abuse my daughter. Moreover, she participated in it. After all, after the swearing of the teacher, I brought her up. As a responsible mother. Here, after all, talent, the authority of an honored worker of culture and prospects, and the child, therefore, is lazy. At school, a competition is announced every year, from class to class, children pass through exams. Some drop out, new children come. Of those who began to study with Katya in the zero school, 11 people remained - less than half of the class. But me, a fiery idiot mother, and it does not bother me. Everywhere competition, the world is such, what to do ...
Lucky for the child was a sober dad amid a psychotic mom who joined this crazy race. He was joking, I was mad at his lack of awareness and short-sightedness.
Today's HYIP, having risen around the history of a music tutor who had offended a student, would not have understood at that time. How else? Where have you seen another way to creative Olympus?
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Yes, they shout at children, they are humiliated. I saw how the notes were stuck on the student's head, how they bowed to the hands, heard stinging and humiliating comments about children. But then, after all, these same children are grateful to their teachers, love them. So it should be ...
Kate continued to study.
In winter, a child died at school. Right behind the piano. From exhaustion.
“Sometimes sacrifices are inevitable,” the teachers commented. - But it's better to look at those who speak from us in the TV show "Blue Bird".
And I watched, but still did not see the trained children, stuffed with tranquilizers. I wanted to torture Katya a little more, so that at last she could do no worse than they did.
After seven torturous years, having played Bach “monstrously correctly” in the exam, Katya left the music school. Thanks puberty. To force her to continue this madness was beyond even me. Relatives were offended, as we, parents, allowed the child to leave everything, because we could “squeeze it”. In the eyes of the environment, I am now a weakling, but for the first time in a long time I feel happy - I am allowed to love and feel sorry for my child, not to be complicit in violence and guilt that breaks her little heart. For five whole years, every day, she was guilty for something: for a poorly played piece, not such a sound, etc., etc. Just think about it - five years of guilt and fear for failing with Phenibut.
A year after leaving the musician, Katya came to life. She even pulled out her studies at a new school, where the stake was on children who were not inclined to anything but music, so the general education program was given to a minimum. Katya's memory and patience are developed like no other, you can't take that away. Even as a legacy of my ambitious maternal past, she inherited complexes, problems with self-esteem and a hatred of classical music. We both lick our wounds. Well, at least dad is still joking and does not let me lose heart.
Recently I came across data from VTsIOM: “The most common method of education, both 20 years ago and more, and today, remains instructions and moralizing: they were listened to by 78% of respondents, and also used / used by 80% of the parents surveyed. Measures of physical influence do not lose their relevance: according to the VTsIOM-Sputnik survey, 49% of the Russians surveyed stood in the corner as children, and 29% themselves punished children in this way, 37% received slaps and slaps on the back of the head, 27% handed them out.
I was an ordinary majority, one of those who made violence the norm. It is much easier than kindness, compassion, generosity and adoption of your own child.
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