What to do if at 40+ you already feel old
'26.08.2020'
Source: Lady.mail.ru
Many women experience growing up more difficult than adolescence. How to deal with negative feelings, says psychologist Morena Morana for Lady.mail.ru.
"Hello!
I'm talking about age, of course. I will turn 40 in a week. Imagine, the fifth ten will go. Until the age of forty you are somehow a woman of 30-40 years. And now that's it! All! Now the old lady. What do you want to do? A friend has a cat who is very afraid of people. If he hears the doorbell, he quickly crawls into the sofa. I have a similar desire. Climb into the sofa and never get out of there again. I don't know why, but 40 years is like hell. Before her, at least some kind of youth. And then - no. Not old age, but you yourself understand, it's definitely not youth. How to survive? ”The woman writes to a psychologist.
Psychologist Morena Morana answers the reader's question. Further - from the first person.
Several years ago, a popular motivational trainer from Holland filed a lawsuit demanding to change the date of birth in his passport. And make him from a 69 year old back to a young 49 year old man. After all, he looks no older than 45, everyone says so!
Alas, the Dutch court refused to knock off a man's 20 years of life only on the basis of a cheerfully protruding mustache, and we do not know how his life would have turned out after such a "rejuvenation". But common sense dictates that nothing special would have happened. After all, minced meat cannot be turned back, and youth is a mass of objective indicators, and not scribbles in a passport.
Despite the obviousness of this idea, many people experience a mystical fear of round dates. These fatal frontiers, even if made up as going to a restaurant with friends and a huge mountain of gifts, nevertheless mean one thing - we are becoming different. We must master new roles and ways of interacting with the world, and this is a task even more difficult than the adolescent crisis.
On the subject: I am in last place: why after 40 years women are not able to spend time on themselves
Fear of the round number is often the fear of losing the benefits of youth, the belief that whirlwind romances, good image, travel, professional ambitions and high dreams are the privilege of youth. And beyond the fateful border of "40 years" you can find only cats, social security and a barren desert of loneliness.
This conviction is not taken from scratch. First, not long ago, by the standards of mankind, the fortieth birthday was indeed a very respectable age. From the pages of classical works 38-year-olds and old women are looking at us. And even the grandfather and the woman who lived by the very blue sea without hope for the future, in fact, turn out to be 50-year-old vigorous citizens. Secondly, in addition to the centuries-old experience of mankind, aggressive advertising also puts pressure on us. Before the girl had time to cure teenage acne, as numerous cosmetology clinics are already looking at her with a squint: have you already started an anti-aging skin care program? AND?!
In such an aggressive environment, it is easy to give up. To grieve a little about lost opportunities, buy a scarf and felt boots, take a fancy to a shop with Wi-Fi, and write nasty things to all the young inhabitants of the Internet for the rest of the "miserable" 40-50 years of my life (a sure sign of frustration).
On the subject: What is worth changing in your life after 40 years in order to preserve youth
And you can understand exactly what needs are at stake. If we are talking about attractiveness and the impossibility of playing the role of a beautiful girl scares you, it is worth thinking - are only girls beautiful? After all, women also have the opportunity to be stunning, luxurious, unique, stylish, alluring, inspiring ... This is an equally interesting task - to create the image of a gorgeous adult lady, not a fashionable teenager.
If the lack of relationships is scary, you can make a guerrilla sortie to some dating app, take spectacular photos for social networks and think about expanding your social circle.
If we are talking about finding a job you love, then revise your knowledge, skills, and abilities. Or start getting new ones ... Even if the reality is not so rosy and many problems have accumulated, you can always find some one point of support and slowly, step by step, begin to transform reality.
In a word, you need to think about realizing your needs in a new role - in the role of an adult woman. When such methods are found, and new tasks are set, then the desire to hide from the evil surrounding world in the sofa will diminish. After all, there are still so many interesting things ahead.
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