What to do to not be disappointed in immigration
Moving abroad for a long time, and even more so forever, is a difficult stage in the life of everyone who decides to do so. Sometimes it becomes a tragedy, more often - a drama. But will every immigrant in the new place begin to compare and be sad? What if this is what happens? What does a professional psychologist think about this?
This post is part of the conversation of the chief editor. Prian.ru Philip Berezin with a psychologist Olga Podolskaya about the compulsory and non-obligatory difficulties that people who are moving to another country may face. Does every emigrant be disappointed and how to prepare themselves for the move in advance.
- Olga, let's talk about such a phenomenon as disappointment in a new country among emigrants. There are many stories about this on the Internet, and not everyone is infected with optimism.
- If we are talking about emigration and especially about its psychological side, people often make the same mistake. Moreover, this mistake is not at all in “confusing tourism with emigration” - everyone has learned this phrase clearly, and there are almost no people who think that his path will be strewn with roses. On the contrary, many who have heard of disappointment travel abroad with a skeptical attitude and unwillingness to be enchanted. And this is also a mistake.
The stage of frustration is normal, and it protects from stress. As in family life: people love each other, and at first they get used to each other easily. Then, all the same, there is a collision with real life, but if love was and is, then conflicts are resolved more easily. It is the same with moving to a new country: if at first there was a charm, then even a period of disappointment would be easier.
But what do many emigrants who consider themselves psychologically savvy do? They come to another country with a tough attitude: “We will not be fascinated, we will all be perceived critically so that there will be no disappointment” ...
- And this is a mistake?
- In fact, the stage of disappointment is conditional. It is associated with a purely physiological pattern - the depletion of the body's resources. The emergency supply ends at some point, and the person sinks into a subdepressive state.
Difficult period in emigration can not be avoided. It will be expressed in a drop in mood, a decline in interest in social contacts and work capacity. This stage will follow the stage of the charm of a new country. Oddly enough, the more pronounced the charm, the easier the "rollback" will be given. If a person initially did not allow himself to be charmed, over time, he could expect great psychological difficulties.
- That is, before moving, you do not need to prepare yourself for something difficult? And many emigrants do this, creating problems for themselves?
- Yes, this attitude has become a problem now. I repeat: everyone has clearly memorized the phrase: "Do not confuse tourism with emigration", which means that you will not feel good there. And people shape their reality by expectations.
On the one hand, a new country is not a paradise on earth. The situation of the immigrant, even if he came with money, documents, already bought an apartment or a house, is still somewhat unstable, because everything is unusual. On the other hand, nobody consciously changes a good life for a bad one? But very often people, having left for the best, cannot keep the focus on good.
The man says to himself: "Do not be enchanted, do not fall in love with a new country, then I will be disappointed." Because of this, the disappointment that comes afterwards, unfortunately, is only greater.
- Still, disappointment is inevitable to one degree or another or not?
- From the point of view of physiology, the stage of exhaustion of the body's resources is inevitable, which is often perceived as a disappointment. That is, sooner or later the energy will run out, it will happen anyway. But in reality it may just be fatigue, when you want to hide in your burrow and recuperate.
Olga Podolskaya about herself and about emigration:
“The current emigration to America is already the third for me. Before I moved to the USA, I lived very well in Russia (the list of regalia is attached), before that in the Czech Republic, and I was born in general in Ukraine. So the laws of emigration are familiar to me firsthand, and I learned how to overcome the resistance of the environment in practice. That is why I know very well the problems of immigrants not only as a clinical psychologist or a life coach, but also on my own experience. ”
- So you want to say that it is solely a matter of how you feel about your difficulties?
- Exactly. More often than not, people perceive this state as a frustration. But if we look at any life cycle of a person, then relaxation always follows stress. Behind activity is a decline. Wakefulness gives way to sleep. Inhale - exhale. This is normal.
When a person comes to a new place, it is time for stressful activity. This is a very long cycle, especially if you decide that you came here for life. Unlike a tourist who can live in a hotel and eat in restaurants, an immigrant immediately faces domestic difficulties. How to pay for travel on the subway, what is the name of unsweetened yogurt, how to sign up for a doctor - everything is difficult. The body is straining to solve completely new problems.
But straining strongly, and then just as much relaxing. And somewhere in six months of life (three to nine months, depending on the reserve of forces), there is a decline, which is needed to recover. But many perceive it as disappointment. They are beginning to annoy, because everything is not the same as at home.
- You want to say that this situation is inevitable and it happens to everyone?
- Yes, it's physiology. The stage when the forces run out will come in any case. This has been proven both from an anthropological point of view and from a physiological one. The famous scientist Hans Selye * studied stress, he proved that such a period is characteristic not only for humans, but also for mice and cats, which were placed in a "new country". Any animal will also experience stress.
- Any immigrant knows that, regardless of his well-being, mood and new country, after some time he will face the problem of depleting internal reserves. It is logical to ask what can be done in this situation?
- Well, firstly, the better the readiness to emigrate, the less stress there will be.
- Reminds the expression: "In a critical situation you will not rise to the level of your expectations, but will fall to the level of your fitness." What might this training include?
- Two points. The first is definitely material. When a person buys real estate in advance, solves financial issues, prepares documents. Of course, his stress will be less than that of a person who came to a foreign country illegally or without money.
The second point is related to psychology. The more sustainable a person is, the more correctly he handles his problems, the easier it will be for him in a new country. Yes, he too will have a period of exhaustion of resources, but he will not take it as a disappointment. He will simply feel tired and sit at home in his nest. Will drink Spanish wine under bougainvillea. He will think: “Yes, now I don’t want to go anywhere, but I want to sit in the backyard, looking at the Mediterranean Sea. Because at last I have my own backyard. ”
And if the material and psychological issues are resolved, then the period of exhaustion of resources will be mild, not painful. The good news is that even if you are not very psychologically prepared, then you can come to a good state under almost any initial conditions. The only question is time and effort.