Excessive attachment: how to recognize addiction in a relationship
'09.02.2021'
Source: 7 sisters
We all want our partner to take care of us and love us. But someone wants it too often. He talks about those who are dependent on the attention of their other half 7 sisters.
It's okay that we all need people. And it's okay to want to be understood, accepted, supported and just loved. But at the same time, the need for this should not burden your relationship with your partner. That is, if you constantly demand attention to yourself, you will create an unhealthy atmosphere for the second person. As much as you adore each other, all people need personal space and time. And if it is difficult for you to be without a partner even for a short time, then this may indicate that you are too emotionally attached to him.
Some psychologists associate this behavior with a particular attachment style. They used to think that how you behave in a relationship depends on your upbringing. That is, on how you were cared for in childhood (and there is some truth in this). However, now they realized that everything is a little deeper. Attachment style can also be influenced by life experience, the kind of relationship you choose, and even your genetics.
What are the attachment styles?
Amir Levin, MD, psychiatrist and neuroscientist, teamed up with psychiatrist Rachel Heller to identify three main attachment styles. it reliable, avoidant and anxious... And this is what affects how confident (or not) you feel in a relationship. And also how much attention you require.
So, your attachment style can be called reliableif you are a loving person who is not afraid for your relationship. You are more likely to be raised by someone who cares for you. Your previous relationship is more likely a positive experience. In addition, you have a trusting relationship with your current partner. Both of you can talk to each other about what you care about or what you need. And accept it.
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If you avoiding style affection, then, most likely, in childhood you were brought up in a family where it was not customary to show feelings and show love. Or it was not done very often. Therefore, the most important thing for you now is independence and self-sufficiency. Therefore, you often minimize intimacy with other people. And even if you really like your partner, you will still keep him at a distance. Most likely because you are afraid to show that you need it. And if you are already in a relationship, then you can hear from your partner that he considers you indifferent. Because when it requires a little more attention from you, you immediately close and move away.
Finally, disturbing style affection. It may not show up in one-off meetings, but it takes over when you get into a serious relationship. Anxious attachment style makes you need a second person too much. You become obsessive, demanding and take everything to heart. You want to be as close to your partner as possible, but you are afraid that he does not want it in return. And because of this fear, you feel vulnerable and sensitive to any change in the relationship. And also in the behavior of the partner. You try to deal with your own emotions and needs, but because of this, you often need emotional "nourishment" from other people. Because you need to fill the void with something. It turns out such a vicious circle. And he can easily turn you into a manipulator.
Signs of anxious attachment style
The third type of attachment is that you are addicted to a relationship. But to accurately determine whether you can be attributed to it, try to analyze your behavior in more detail. So, you most likely have an anxious attachment style:
- If you constantly question your partner's love and look for evidence that this is actually the case.
- If you need a partner every time you can't handle your emotions. Because only next to him you feel calm.
- If you are not sure of yourself and are easily vulnerable.
- If your parents did not take care of you consistently. This caused an inner anxiety that now manifests itself in adult relationships.
Naturally, an anxious attachment style is uncomfortable for both partners. You try to reshape yourself and constantly say that you need to stop behaving this way. Even though you understand that it is useless. And your loved one feels emotionally drained and depressed. After all, he cannot always give you as much love as you need. And that upsets him too. And sometimes it also repels. After all, he understands that he still does not please you.
Can you stop being addicted to relationships?
The good news is, you can really change. To do this, you first need to realize that you have a problem. After all, when you know about it, it is easier to solve it. You also need to learn not to "respond" immediately to anxiety. And do what you used to do in those moments. Sit down and think, how would you feel if you acted differently now? What triggers would work? Perhaps you can try to deal with them in a way that would be comfortable not only for you, but also for your loved one? Of course, answering these questions yourself can be difficult. Therefore, if you fail, do not be ashamed to seek help from a specialist.
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Another point that can help you change is working on self-esteem. And also, over trust. For the first, you need to focus more on yourself (and not on your partner). And do what makes you feel more secure. And also pay attention to your strengths. After all, making you feel good is primarily your responsibility. And not some other person. To work on trust, however, you need to determine what exactly makes you behave this way. And where did these feelings come from.
