Girls sometimes bring themselves to exhaustion, just to see in the mirror thin legs and arms “like models”. But do the models themselves like this shape? A former bikini fitness contestant revealed how uncomfortable she was in her perfect body. Marie Wold deliberately gained almost 20 kilograms - and now she really likes herself.
When I was growing up, I watched all these super slim celebrities who appeared in magazines and on TV, and assumed that this was the only way to be "good enough" for society, - she tells the magazine Women's Health Mag... From early childhood, I knew everything about weight, size and calories. As a teenager, I did not like my body at all: I wanted me to have a noticeable distance between the hips and a narrow waist - the exact opposite of my natural constitution.
Therefore, I began to rock the press every day, played volleyball all year round, signed up for the gym and started counting calories.
At the end of high school, I learned about competition in fitness bikini and was delighted - how great it is that women can show off their muscles. I was very motivated to see women striving to look strong and athletic. But I didn’t realize that their diet and exercise were neither healthy nor correct.
After studying a lot of information, I learned that I need to eat more and exercise differently if I want to build muscle mass. It was a complete change in the approach and rules of the game - I stopped focusing on food and went in for sports.
After the second course, I decided that I didn’t want to continue playing volleyball, which meant that I could finally fully do bodybuilding. I focused on preparing for stage performances: I was in the gym for 90 and more than 6-7 minutes a week, and sometimes spent more than two hours there. My strength and cardio sessions have always been very debilitating. At the same time I watched every piece that fell into the mouth.
After the first competition in 2015, I was impressed, so I took a short break and rushed headlong into a new training. The second time turned out to be even more difficult than the first - the body did not agree to overload and fought with me at every step.
My desire to be very thin and to look a certain way, on par with competitors, has shown both the best and the worst in me - such a desire improves your discipline and resilience, but can exacerbate any problems with body image or relationship with food, and restrictions create tension in relationships and ultimately affect normal life.
In the end, I realized - I've had enough. I took part in six shows, winning several classes and overall finishing in 15th place on the national show. I was happy with that.
By the summer of 2016, I lost my passion - I was too exhausted mentally and physically. I'm stuck in the trap of comparison and competition. I wanted to regain my confidence. Now I cringe inwardly looking at those pictures of myself.
Gaining weight was very difficult. I was afraid of what my body might look like, because I got used to the idea that being tiny and skinny is much better. Over time, I learned to love my natural form and even body fat: now I now have more opportunities for proper nutrition, training and lifestyle in general.
A year after giving up bodybuilding, I gained more than 18 kg. This is the weight that allowed me to restore the menstrual cycle (in the process of doing power and competitions, the monthly disappeared), and mentally recover from years of restrictions. This is the weight that allows me to enjoy life.
Now fitness remains a part of my life, but not my whole life. I enjoy training without thinking that they should turn me into a girl of a certain appearance and parameters. I enjoy practicing because my goals are to get more energy for life and joy. I love trying new foods and going to new restaurants. And also chocolate has returned to my life.
Learning to truly value my body for what it can do, and not how it looks, was so important that I could finally feel happy. I love my strong legs for letting me run, jump, crouch and ride a horse. I agree that I will never have narrow shoulders or hips, that I will never look “elegant” because I simply have not been created like this. And I am happy.