Be careful: how kind and patient people end up in toxic relationships
'19.12.2020'
Source: InosMI.ru
If you feel constant discomfort in a relationship, be it in the family or at work, the reason may lie not only in your environment, but also in yourself. ИноСМИ.
You most likely have qualities that make you vulnerable to toxic relationships.
Perhaps right now you realize that you are faced with such a problem and remembered situations that prove your attractiveness to abusers. So stay alert, don't blame yourself, and be ready to take a step back.
In an article on the Bustle website, relationship expert Carolyn Steber writes about personality traits that make them more attractive to abusers. Changing them is often very difficult.
But there is good news too. As Professor Jean Reardon argues, being aware of the patterns and qualities that attract the wrong people is the first step towards solving the problem of abusive relationships, and the therapist will help you build self-confidence, better translate yourself and learn to recognize those whose appearance in your life is undesirable. ...
First, let's highlight those personality characteristics that make it difficult to build healthy relationships.
1. You are too good
There is nothing wrong with being kind, but there is a big difference between being kind and being absolutely available at all times. If you notice this quality in yourself, be sure that you will face problems. According to relationship expert Tiffany Toombs, such people are incapable of saying no and setting clear personal boundaries, and therefore end up in a controlling or manipulative relationship when the partner becomes an abuser.
Don't let anyone take advantage of you. Yes, it will be difficult at first, but getting used to saying no is the only way to do it.
2. You, in spite of everything, are faithful
In any relationship, both parties must be trustworthy, and if you are the only one who is loyal and loyal in a relationship, that in itself is doing you great damage. According to therapist Eileen Pardee, if you are someone who is easily loyal to others, you should be more careful, as this can cost you dearly.
3. You are codependent
As a codependent person, you run the risk of engaging in extremely unhealthy relationships because you are actually attracted to people who play the role of rescuers, and vice versa. As the psychotherapist notes, codependent people are always more focused on other people's shortcomings and weaknesses.
On the subject: Captured by a narcissus: how to recognize psychological abuse and end a relationship
4. You don't value yourself
If a person has low self-esteem, then this will certainly push him towards a relationship where he is evaluated in the same way. He doesn't think he deserves the best, and he tolerates abusive behavior, whether knowingly or not. To fix this, a person must forget about self-deprecation forever.
5. You are fixated on yourself
Sometimes a person can be selfish, but it is important to make sure that this trait does not harm their relationship. If your partner doesn't put you first in their life, they may not really have anything to offer you.
But it's easy to deal with - you can also put your partner in second place, and then the relationship will be more comfortable for both of you.
6. You focus on looks
We are talking about momentary attraction, when the first impression is due to external data. If you want a stable and lasting relationship, make sure it is healthy first.
7. You are passive
Often passive people tolerate the mistakes of others longer than those who are firm and decisive. The latter, of course, completely reject abusive relationships.
8. You are overly impulsive
Sometimes impulsivity is a good quality, but not always. If you act first and think later, there is a risk of ending up in a dangerous relationship.
On the subject: Doing good: how savior syndrome interferes with friendship and love
9. You don't know how to refuse
Passive people are usually controlled by a partner. If they try to escape from the relationship, this provokes violence from the opposite side.
10. You are very sympathetic
Neuropsychologist Rhonda Freeman believes that people with a high propensity for empathy are usually emotional and sensitive, and throughout their lives they often face abusive relationships. That is why it is extremely important to be able to recognize personality types and exploitative, narcissistic, manipulative personality strategies. This will help avoid the negative consequences of oversensitivity.
