Marriage from the word 'defective': a male view of married life
'07.10.2020'
In our time, all married couples, trying to build a life together, go through the same stages.
The first stage is meeting and being interested. This is when one is interested, and the other is not particularly interested, or pretends that he is not. And this is not always a game, although it also happens quite often. A girl, for example, can be depressed for any reason, including trying to “break away” from the “ex” whom she recently broke up with, or simply he, this “potential next”, did not make the proper impression on her “at first viewing”.
But if it really "seemed to him" ... then the old game "siege of the fortress" begins - and here the one who is more enduring always wins. Or besieged, or organized a siege.
This, I think, is the first problem. Yes, she later, many years after her marriage, “attaching the roof to the building,” or rather, explaining to herself and her friends why she gave up, she will say that he courted so beautifully and for a long time ... But think for yourself: if you tried borscht, for example, and you didn’t like it right away, would you decide to start eating it three times a day, for the whole next year, so that you “for sure” understand whether you like it or not? Naturally, you won't. You will most likely never like it, although you will get used to it, and it (both borscht and gentleman) will become a part of your life, its “routine”, its habit. Useful or harmful - you won't immediately understand, but time will tell ...
“Having surrendered the fortress,” you made (a rule that has exceptions) the main mistake of selection, did not listen to your mind, body, consciousness, foreboding, but whatever you want to call this instrument, which immediately warned you: this is not the one ... He took you by siege , you overwhelmed and surrendered. For this stupidity, many of us pay a high price - the lost years of marriage with a person with whom to beоfalse. We are not even talking about children born in such a marriage ...
Stage two - we like each other and ... meet. There - and fun, and joint parties, trips, sex ... By the way - sex can save you, or rather - the mismatch in it. If so, shout "hurray" and run away ... He will not be corrected. If you can still get used to “borscht”, then here it will definitely not work. Although nature, aimed at procreation, is cunning. And at first he, intimacy, may seem good, even good. And everyone has a question: what happens then, where does it go, the one that is fresh, sharp, endless and all-consuming? Well, where does it go? It turns into borscht, obviously ... Only here - entry from the other side, although the example is similar.
If what you like (let it be Napoleon cake or sushi), you are served every day or several times a week ... then there is a very high chance that he may become boring ... Stop being what it used to be. This is normal, usually, and there is nothing strange or incredible here. There are exceptions. I agree. But here we are more and more about the rules. Because they are more common in life.
On the subject: Male view: why adultery does not exist and is it worth living together 'for the sake of children'
Part three. If we like each other, we meet, everything is wonderful and okay, then maybe we will get married at the same time, why should we pull the bagpipes there ?! Together - more fun, financially more profitable, and indeed, everyone does this, why stand out? And build yourself out of yourself. Are we humans? This is how people should act. How else?
And, as a rule, unfortunately, from the day we got married, the train starts to go downhill. It is also true that this does not always happen. It happens that he slides there slowly, for years, decades. Whether it is a punishment for indiscretion, for a mistake in choosing, you decide. I am not in a hurry with conclusions.
Again, about those who were lucky, who guessed right, followed the call of their hearts and now - for fifty years together, I'm not talking about. Honor and praise to them. I'm talking about the rest, who, it turns out, are a countless army ...
Farther.
Every day, those two who were walking somewhere together begin to gradually disperse in different directions, constantly finding in each other what they do not like, but being ready to endure these lovely inconveniences as long as what they like is more. And this, as I said, can drag on for decades. What complicates and delays their divorce? Children, finances, status, habit, convenience, laziness, fear. And there is much more that you, my friends, probably know about without me.
What is the conclusion?
Be more careful and careful when choosing a partner. Someone will say that today's newlyweds are no longer the same as we were. They meet longer and are in no hurry to get married. Perhaps, I will not argue, although statistics, if you believe her, are not fun, and you also know it. What does it mean? This means that they are getting married and marrying the wrong ones. Once out of ten pairs, six to seven diverge over time. Moreover, I think that the best time to disperse is as soon as possible (if still to marriage did not work), or a month after the wedding, there are still no children, the kindness acquired over the years, the fear of being left alone / alone or laziness to change something.
Yes - disgusting, yes - offensive, yes - unpleasant, yes - ashamed. But you need to step over these nonsense and prejudices and admit that you were wrong. It happens. And this mistake should not cross out two lives (I still don't take into account the children who have not been born yet). She shouldn't make two people torture and mock each other just because “it happened”. Thank God, in most modern communities divorce is allowed, and you need to use this loophole as soon as you understand or even feltthat the person is not yours.
And what about the old “endure and fall in love” that has worked for all the previous thousands of years? But no way, my friends. Today it no longer works, because many do not want to endure. Falling in love, anyway, is unlikely to work. Although you can get used to the daily borscht, and to solitary confinement in prison, and to life on a desert island, and to writing with your left hand, and to anything. Even to the fact that you have different points of view on almost everything, and that it once seemed cute. I remember that after heated arguments, in an attempt to remake another, you jumped into bed, where a hot ... peace ... or at least a truce came. It was joyful and it seemed - it will always be so. It turned out that it only seemed. Over time, peace comes less and less, so disputes either last for decades, or (which also very often happens) both stop talking on all topics except the necessary ones: household, reconciling schedules, visiting someone's anniversaries, renovating a house, choosing a school for a child, and buying furniture or a new car ...
So what am I talking about? And, in general, am I an opponent of marriage?
I don't think this is the point, my friends. Life itself, the further, the more often it turns out against. What is happening around is proof of that.
On the subject: There is no monster worse than time: how not to waste your life
We can use our parents, grandmothers and great-grandfathers as an example as much as we like. We can argue on this topic until we are hoarse and blue in the face, but everything is pointless. New century, new people, new rules, habits, principles, thoughts, plans. New conditions for interaction between people. I think that in the future the institution of marriage in its present form will be replaced by something more suitable for living together and functioning reasonably. I will not come up with what it could be. Let our descendants rack their brains. Or maybe this difficult task will be solved by artificial intelligence? He is a computer, fast, accurate, unmoved. They will put all the initial data into it ... So he will approach the solution of the problem with a cool head. Who knows, maybe he will find a solution, which is still difficult for us to look for, and we have no time. We are in a hurry to get married, then learn to live together, or, if there is no more strength to endure, divorce.
Perhaps you have any ideas, my dear readers, how today's marriage could be replaced with something better? So that it will be as we love: the wolves are fed and the sheep are safe?
I would be glad to know your opinion.
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