'No offense, but ...': 10 things you should stop telling people
'14.07.2019'
Source: Delfi.lv
With just a few words, you can decorate someone's day or completely spoil it. As practice shows, we often ignore the power that words possess. And in vain. After all, they can have a greater impact than you think, so you must be responsible for everything that you say and always carefully select words.
Delfi.lv and the Power of Positivity portal offer at least stop telling people the following things.
1. "You're too sensitive!"
All people are different and react differently to certain words. For example, someone may be upset to tears because of something that you personally would never have hurt. When something like this happens, you may be tempted to scold them for being too sensitive. This may appear in the following phrases:
"You're overreacting!"
"Learn to joke!"
"You just don't have a sense of humor"
"Take it easy!"
“I didn't mean it, relax”
Do not read the notations at this moment, do not teach how to avoid injuries in the future - listen carefully to the interlocutor, say that you regret what was said and discuss the problem if there is a need for it.
2. "Why can't you do the same as ... (person's name)?"
Comparisons are ugly, they do not help anyone and for the most part are unnecessarily harmful. In moments of frustration, you may wonder why someone in your life may not be like anyone else, but this is a poisonous, meaningless thought. You can say:
"Why can't you listen to me like my mom?"
“You should be more like (enter name)”
"Well, what marks did your classmates get?"
"(Insert name) seems to do a good job of this, so you should too."
Why don't comparisons work? It's simple: no two people are alike. Each person is unique, so comparing others is completely meaningless. Of course, they will be different, they will have a different pace of progress and their problems in life; they are different people!
In addition, if you use comparisons in communicating with children, then you can undermine their self-esteem. As a result, they can transfer this model of comparison to their adult life.
On the subject: Total 3 words: the best phrase for daily motivation of yourself and others
3. "No offense, but ..."
The next time you are about to anticipate the “no offense, but…” statement, take a few seconds to think about why you feel the need to say it. Often times, the reason you need to prepare those around you is because what you are about to say is rather offensive.
“Don't be offended, but…” is one of those phrases that are about as effective as “I'm not racist, but…” because everything you do at this moment is warning people about what will follow. something definitely unpleasant. So you better stop - there are things that are better left unsaid.
First, formulate your thought, then speak. By adhering to this rule, you will find that this technique is often much more positive.
4. "Deal with it"
Perhaps you are tired of hearing about how upset someone is, how sad and sad they are, and in your irritation you say: "So deal with the problem!" Alas, this is completely unproductive - even if the other person listens to you and decisively says that they are going to “deal with this,” they are not really doing it. Instead, he will suppress the problem and put it on the background, where it will be located and fester. In the end, this will cause even more problems.
Some problems and painful emotions are overcome longer than others, but it is not your business to rush and force to get rid of them when you want it.
5. "Someday you will stop thinking like that"
Many people, especially young people, always hear that their decisions are wrong. For example, this may concern such topics as dating, marriage, childbirth, study or work.
The wisdom that comes with age could tell you at this moment that you cannot foresee the future. If a young man says that he does not want children, it is very foolish to try to convince him that then he will definitely want something later.
The best thing you can do in this situation is not to preach, belittle or speculate, but simply say, "Let me know if you ever change your mind." This will end the conversation on a positive note.
6. "You're too attractive to ..."
We live in a world of stereotypes, including what is and is not traditionally attractive. Sometimes it is difficult to avoid them in their judgments.
Sometimes you may say that someone is too attractive to do this or that. Or you might say that you didn't even think the person was so smart because they were too handsome. Believe me - it sounds so-so: it will not be perceived as a compliment, no matter how hard you try to prove that you wanted “the best”.
The appearance of people and what they do are not mutually exclusive, and to believe in the opposite means being biased. This is a very narrow view of the incredibly diverse world in which we live.
On the subject: 5 phrases about yourself that give low self-esteem and deprive confidence
7. "Happiness is a choice"
People constantly use this phrase to cheer someone up or try to get them out of their depressive state. Unfortunately, this does not work with those who are in bad circumstances or suffer from mental disorders. In addition, it is not scientifically verified. Happiness depends on the following three things.
- Circumstances
Events occurring in life greatly affect how a person feels (up to about 15% of your happiness).
- Temperament
Just less than half depends on your genetics and your natural temperament, and this cannot be changed.
- Intentional behavior
Personal activity is about 40% of your happiness. This means that you can only partially control your mood.
In fact, trying to convince someone of positive thinking, advising him to choose happiness, simply does not work. Forcing someone to believe that he is guilty of being unhappy will not help you to feel relief, but on the contrary, you will only hurt.
8. "What's the use of this?"
No one loves a person who always asks for something in return. If you do this to yourself, then at work you are most likely considered lazy, friends and family do not trust anyone, and in romantic relationships this can be regarded as calculating.
Does this mean that you have to be the person who always says yes? Of course not! Set boundaries where necessary, but don't insist that you always get paid to do good.
9. "It's all your fault!"
To take the pose of self-defense is very easy. Often this appears in the following phrases:
"I did not know!"
"You should have told me"
"How could I have known?"
"It's your fault"
"If you ... it might not have happened."
"Next time you have to ..."
It’s much harder to admit that you made a mistake or played your part in it. Transferring guilt like hot potatoes will not help you solve any problem. Sometimes it's your fault, and sometimes not. Sometimes everyone is guilty. In the end, who cares?
When an error occurs, no matter who is mostly to blame, you now have to work on finding solutions. That's the way life is.
10. "I hate you"
“I hate” is a very strong word when used seriously and not as a joke. No matter how you say that you hate someone, it sounds childish and does not paint you in any way.
This phrase is very often used in moments of aggravated emotions. You can shout it to your parents, your family, friends, etc. In a fit of anger, you can pronounce these words, even if in fact it is not.
Unfortunately, this moment can significantly harm your relationship with another person. Even if you apologize, you cannot erase from his memory what you said. So choose words in all situations.
