Archaism or sweet tradition: why women in the West still take their husband's surname
'16.10.2020'
Source: with the BBC
It would seem that the tradition of taking the husband's surname when entering into marriage is something patriarchal, almost antediluvian. So why are so many Western women still following this tradition? The question was sorted out with the BBC.
When planning a wedding in a pandemic, many uncertainties have to be taken into account, but for 30-year-old Lindsay Evans everything is very clear with at least one of them: “The closer the wedding day, the more I become entrenched in this idea: I want to take my husband’s name”, - says the Californian who runs a media company with her partner. They decided to get married next July.
In the United States, most women, when they get married, take their husband's surname - about 70%. Among British women, this figure is even higher - about 90% (according to a 2016 study).
And although these numbers are slightly lower than those of the previous generation, one thing is clear: custom remains a stable cultural norm in many parts of the Western world - despite our individualistic and gender-preoccupied times.
According to a 2014 study, 85% of Russian women, when they get married, take their husband's surname. Earlier, one of the polls showed that in 2008, 49% of Russian residents were sure: a woman, when marrying, must take her husband's surname, 27% said that it was not necessary to change the surname.
According to Simon Duncan, a professor at Bradford University (UK), a specialist in family life, this behavior is surprising, because, as he believes, it comes from the idea of patriarchy, when a woman, getting married, became the property of a man.
At the same time, it is interesting that 68% of women in the United States under the age of 30 describe themselves as feminists.
On the subject: 'Everything at its own expense': why Russian women are disappointed in American husbands
However, the trend is the same in many European countries (the most notable exceptions are Spain and Iceland, where women usually retain their birth name when they marry, and Greece, where a woman has legally retained her maiden name since 1983. throughout life).
Even in Norway, which regularly ranks high in gender equality rankings, most married women carry their husband's surname.
There, however, about half retain their maiden name as a middle name, which serves as a kind of additional surname.
"Is this a harmless tradition or something that crept into our world from the past?" - asks Professor Duncan, who recently joined forces with colleagues from the University of Oslo and the University of the West of England to investigate the reasons for such a vitality of the tradition.
Patriarchal traditions
Of course, women who want to get rid of their last name may have many personal reasons for doing so. For example, you simply don’t like your own surname or associate it with domestic violence.
But careful analysis by scientists has helped identify two main reasons for married or engaged couples in Britain and Norway.
The first is the strength of the patriarchal tradition (and it doesn't matter whether the newlyweds themselves understand this or not). The second is the ideal of a good family, when a common surname symbolizes your loyalty to each other and the strength of the bonds that bind you and your future children.
Some couples are absolutely not critical about this issue - simply because it is so accepted. Others actively support the idea of adopting the husband's surname.
"Some men still insist on this - a kind of echo of the patriarchal tradition of the past," Duncan emphasizes. - Some women do not mind and take it for granted: they say that, having changed their identity, they dream of becoming “mistress such and such”.
For many couples, this is part of the optimal “marriage package”. “It's part of a romantic love story,” agrees Corinna Hirsch, 32, a German marketing worker who now lives in Stockholm. She got married last year and took her husband's surname.
On the subject: Barbie world or a symbol of freedom: why women were forced to love the pink color
“On the eve of the wedding, we slept in different rooms, then I [according to tradition] put on“ something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue ”. My father and my husband gave speeches, but I did not ... "
All these traditional things, she believes, helped her and her partner feel an even deeper connection, despite the fact that by the time of the wedding they had already lived together for more than eight years.
"Good family"
The second main reason, from the point of view of the team of scientists led by Professor Duncan, is rooted in public perception: the adoption of the husband's surname is still viewed by society as a sign of serious intentions and unity.
“I think it helps us look like family, not two separate people,” agrees Lindsay Evans from California.
According to Duncan's research, this approach is especially characteristic of women with children, even those who at first did not want to take their husband's surname, but after the birth of the child, everything changed.
“I wanted to be connected with my child not only by feelings, but also by an official document,” explains 36-year-old American Jamie Berg, who lives in Oslo.
For several years after the wedding, she lived under her last name - mainly because she wanted to keep her for professional activities. But when her son was born, she added her husband's surname to her passport and other documents, “so that we three have a common surname. In addition, she hopes, this will help avoid problems when, for example, she and her child want to go abroad.
Duncan also found that parents in this matter are concerned about the possible psychological difficulties that their child may face when he learns that the mother and father, for some reason, have different surnames.
True, sociological studies have shown that this has a minimal effect on children.
Ignoring feminism?
On the subject: Bride in the slop and kidnapping of the groom: 11 weirdest wedding traditions from around the world
Scholars are divided over how surname norms fit with the fight for gender equality.
Duncan calls what is happening now "quite dangerous", regardless of whether the couple deliberately adheres to the old tradition or simply acts "as is customary."
“This reinforces the idea that the husband is in charge. That a man is the head of the family, ”says the professor.
The professors are supported by women like Nikki Hesford, 33, an entrepreneur from the north of England. Now she is divorced, and when she got married, she refused to take her husband's surname. It amazes her why so few women do the same.
“From the very beginning, women set a precedent [when they take their husband's surname], as if agreeing: you are more important than me, you are the main one, I am secondary. Some people tell me: you are exaggerating, this is just a good tradition, it doesn't really mean anything. But I disagree, ”says Hesford.
However, according to Hilda Burke, an Irish psychotherapist and family counselor now living in London, women who reject tradition should not rush to judge others.
She emphasizes that social networks support the concept of “old-fashioned and romantic love story” - with a full engagement, with a honeymoon, and this affects women, despite the fact that feminists and fighters for gender equality now also have more opportunities to promote their views. ...
Plus, Burke says, for many women, a husband's surname is a practical choice. For example, in order not to annoy elderly relatives or to avoid explanations at the school of the unborn child. And this does not mean at all that these women have something against gender equality or the ideas of feminism.
After all, feminism gives women freedom of choice. And if she herself, without pressure from the outside, decided to take her husband's surname, this does not mean that she succumbed to the influence of patriarchal norms.
As Californian Evans says, “He never said: I need you to take my last name. This is how I put the question myself. As a feminist, I myself choose the solution that suits me, and at the same time I do not care about gender roles. ”
Will anything change in the future?
This question causes heated debate among scientists. There has been no significant research on this topic, but there are signs that (despite slow progress) both men and women are increasingly open about alternatives.
In the UK, a 2016 YouGov poll of more than 1500 people found that 59% of women would still like to take their husband's last name, and 61% of men want the same.
At first glance, the numbers are pretty high. But they are about 30% lower than the existing proportion of already married Britons.
Another survey found that 11% of Britons aged 18-34 adopt double surnames when they marry. Previously, this practice was inherent in families from the upper classes, but now the motivation is the struggle for gender equality, so that representatives of different sectors of society participate in the trend.
“We decided that if we were to share everything in life with each other, then we should make common names, too,” explains 36-year-old Nick Nilsson-Bean, a Briton who lives in Malmö, Sweden, whose surname is now double. “To take my name for both of us - it somehow looks archaic”.
In the United States, a growing number of women make the same choice - in favor of a double surname.
And some couples come up with a new common surname for themselves, or men take their wife's surname, although such cases are still rare.
Women in the West are getting married later. In Europe, the average age at marriage is now 35 and older. In the USA - about 28 years.
Research in Norway and the United States shows that the older, more educated, and economically independent a woman is, the more likely she is to retain her last name in marriage. However, this practice is less popular among younger women, among those whose jobs are low-paid, and among African-American women.
“I already have my own house, a degree, a car, and a lot of different things. If I change my last name, I have to change it everywhere, on all documents, ”explains 50-year-old America Nazar, a dentist from Oslo, who left her maiden name when she got married last year. “There are too many difficulties, and absolutely unnecessary, from my point of view.”
Other researchers note that as the influence of the LGBTQIA community grows, with a more flexible approach to changing surnames, it is possible that heterosexual couples will gradually begin to adopt new ideas in this area.
“Some of my male friends have decided to take their wife's last name, and I really like this one,” says Verity Sessions, 35, from Brighton, England, who took her wife's last name, Alice Maplesden.
However, she said, she quite understands couples who “just like the tradition”. Or who want their family tree to look simpler.
Psychotherapist Burke also believes that society will gradually begin to change its view of the tradition of changing surnames.
However, as long as women continue to fight for equal pay and as a result of the COVID-19 epidemic may be the first to suffer when it comes to layoffs, the issue of changing the last name is not the most important one, she emphasizes: “It will be his turn when equality is achieved otherwise” ...
However, such fans of the tradition, such as Corinna Hirsch, hope that the tradition of taking the husband's surname will never die. “It's good if this continues, but only without compulsion,” she said.
