10 unobvious bells that signal: run from this man!
'06.06.2019'
Source: lady.mail.ru
Whenever high-profile divorces, violence, moral or physical, occur, the woman is charged: where did she look before? Yes, in most cases these charges are groundless. None of us are telepathic. But sometimes from the height of past years it is obvious: there were bells. To the columnist lady.mail.ru Real women told Darya Korolkova what symptoms they, alas, missed.
I'll start with my own story.
We met for about a year, everything was fine: and care, and joint leisure, and mutual friends, and meeting with parents and loved ones. Then one day we went to a wedding with his friend. It was fun, slightly drunk ... Well, though, why lie, not lightly. And at some point I realized that the degree of fun exceeds my allowable rate, and I, perhaps, will go. I told my boyfriend that I was tired and I wanted to go home, asking if he wanted to accompany me or would stay. He decided to conduct. And it was hell.
He tried to fight with every pedestrian, if he imagined that he somehow did not look at me like that. He asked me for whom I was going and with whom I was cheating. He was outraged that I was looking at someone on the street. Near the entrance to the subway, he had a fight with a drainpipe, breaking his fists into the blood. I escaped. I was driving home and crying, but it never crossed my mind to leave him! He got drunk, fell into unconscious, is jealous - loves! After another six months, he changed me, accusing me of this treason ...! Because you can not be in the world ... And I certainly cheated on him. Well, how else? And I deserved it.
- Moral: if he is inadequately jealous and prone to paranoid suspicions, run. It will only get worse.
Criticizes and compares with others.
“A guy on one of his first dates said, 'I would like to meet a few more girls before settling down.' I had to listen and understand that he perceives me as temporary fun, which can be treated like shit. And then there was: "You are so imperfect, but I still like you." It was said in order to bring me back when trying to break. Then she considered it a compliment.
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Spent painfully. Depression, self-esteem killed, was restored for three years with therapy and pills. ”
- Moral: if he criticizes you and compares you with others, if he says openly that he is not sure about your relationship, run. It will only get worse.
Do not support
“My husband's husband refused to help her in the first year of marriage to help close the shortage when they stole the goods in the shop where she worked. He said that this is not his problem. A year later, he left her, taking the savings. ”
- Moral: if a man believes that your problems are not his problems, run. It will only get worse.
Considers sexist jokes funny
"Shut up, woman, your day - March 8." I took it as a joke, stupid. The man was a true abuser, I dreamed of falling in love with another. I was like a rabbit before a boa. Could not leave. He was blackmailing, he threatened to publish intimate photos, once in a car he was driving on an opposite, and there a truck, at the last second, left.
I didn't love him, but I was very afraid. Rather, first there were feelings, then only fear. In the end, he really got carried away by another, and that's how it ended. I was very afraid of his unpredictability. And I regret that I missed that first bell - "shut up, woman."
- Moral: if he considers himself the king of the world on the basis of a special form of sexual organs, run. It will only get worse.
Forever dissatisfied with you
“You wear trousers - it is unladylike. Why are you wearing a dress, you have crooked legs. Why an ankle-length skirt, why are you like a grandma? Mini? What are you, a prostitute?
All your life you want to work in this store, sell paint, and who will build a career? (Received more than him). Instead of budget holidays, in which you have to put up with hostels and uncomfortable transport, they stayed in Moscow to save money (spoiler: everything was walking and drunk).
For a long time I called hysterical when I hinted at a divorce, but one day I easily agreed and left (it turned out, to my mistress). Just before that he had nowhere to go. One day, even before the wedding, I kicked him out and he ended up in a creepy klopovnik, which, apparently, he did not like. "
- Moral: mutually exclusive requirements - I don’t know how, but not so, constant resistance and accusations - run. It will only get worse.
Wants to control the budget
“I took the scholarship (increased), then my salary - to the family budget (why do you need 5 rubles for tights, you can buy for 3) ... I also chose the maternity money in the same budget, of which I allocated only a minimum for a baby cot ...
Most importantly, at that time he had not talked to his parents for 5 years, living with them in the same apartment. In general, I got out of this marriage with a broken neck (the child was 2 of the month), a semi-paralyzed arm, a sick child, and without a penny. ”
- Moral: if a man wants to control finances completely and is not ready for a separate budget - run. It will only get worse.
Watching you
“The tracking program put on the comp. It was not a bell, but a bell. Girlfriends all in one voice shouted: walked him ... from the beach. But I did not believe it.
In the end he beat me up. I left. It has been seven full years of parting, he still has not completely fallen off. He writes from new numbers, accounts, and even comes from time to time, pacing me at the entrance. ”
- Moral: if everyone around you tells you to run, then run. It will only get worse.
Forbidding your opinion
“When I was still his girlfriend, not my wife, I started a dispute with my friends at a party with my acquaintance on an interesting topic for me. Objected, led arguments, was gambling, I had fun.
And at that moment my young man squeezed my palm as if in a vice. Very painful. And the eyes are evil and the look “kill me for so little”. Later he made a scandal, they say, I disgrace him by demonstrating a quarrelsome disposition and spoil the party, where there is no place for disputes on serious topics, you have to joke, laugh with a silver bell and agree with a man, and not dare him. There are bruises on the fingers from the rings (massive, with skulls).
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He apologized, said that it seemed to me, he just squeezed a little to distract me, and bruises because of the ugly rings, he told them not to wear them. ”
- Moral: if he humiliates you and does not take your side in front of others - run. It will only get worse.
Does not understand failure and does not feel boundaries
“The former offered hard sex, but did not specify the framework and immediately began to choke, then he apologized a lot. Traces of two weeks went from the neck.
I was lucky then, I left for graduate school, and we had a break in our relationship for two months. Therefore, when I returned, my accordion no longer wanted to play and seek adventure so much, but he decided that I had forgotten everything, and when we were fishing with friends far outside the city, in the wilderness, he decided to play rape with me. With some fright, it seemed to him that I did not mind, although I made it clear that I was not a masochist and not a "bottom".
In short, it all ended with the fact that I almost tore off his ear in a rage when he attacked me in the landings. Was sent. For two years, he did not leave attempts to return, he was flooded with gifts, he calmed the eyes of my mother and neighbors. They gave me all the baldness that I did not give a chance to such a wonderful, attentive peasant.
Demonstratively married eventually my ex-kindergarten friend. I know that he still beats her. ”
- Moral: if a man is aggressive, this aggression will sooner or later go beyond the game. Run. It will only get worse.
He lies to others and to you
“My first husband, when we weren't married yet, asked me to move out of our shared apartment if his mother came. He was not ready to introduce her to "anyhow" until he decided exactly that I was fit for the role of wife.
Then it seemed to me that this is normal. Mom, he lied that he lives alone. I did not attach any importance to this then, but when we divorced, it turned out that he lied to me the most. ”
- Moral: if a man lies to others, he will lie to you. Run, it will only get worse.
Do you know what these stories have in common? What women consider to be a law of chance. What is “stuck”, “it will change”, “it is not on purpose” embedded in us.
Expensive. They are on purpose. They will not change. And do not tolerate anything. It was at that very moment when you thought that ... you did not think.
Run. It will only get worse.
