75% males and 68% females: the shocking truth about adultery
'02.07.2019'
Source: Air force
It seems that blindly trusting your partners is not worth it. 75% of men and 68% of women were wrong to their halves, but only 5% of people believe that their partner has changed or will change in the future.
Mike Pence avoids having dinner alone with any woman other than his wife. For the Vice President of the United States, this is a sign of respect for his legitimate second half and compliance with religious norms. In the comments about Pence's decision, many wrote that this is how men who are unable to restrain themselves should behave. Others described the behavior as sexist and offensive.
Such an opinion is in fact no exception. About 6% of respondents in one study thought that it was a betrayal to treat the opposite sex to dinner at a restaurant, writes Air force.
Whatever the motives, Pence and his wife set clear boundaries for acceptable behavior with people of the opposite sex. In most heterosexual couples this is not even close.
Many people do not have a clear idea of what exactly is included in the concept of infidelity. Most also significantly underestimate the likelihood of partner betrayal, despite the fact that they themselves are changing.
People also have little idea how they will react to the infidelity of their second half. Many are surprised by their own reaction to this news.
On the subject: 'How to convince that change is bad, if adultery is so good': a man about the causes of female infidelity
However, given the fact that this phenomenon has become widespread, the lack of information about adultery and the lack of understanding of this phenomenon cause many painful emotions.
Psychologists urge us to talk about treason more often and more frankly.
Finding out how many people at least once in their lives have changed their partners is very difficult, because researchers have to rely solely on the honesty of the respondents. Therefore, the data obtained is quite varied.
In general, the indicator is as follows: 75% of men and 68% of women were wrong to their halves. However, only 5% of people believe that their partner has changed or will change in the future. Therefore, even under the most modest assumptions, adultery happens more often than we think.
Perhaps we trust our partners too much?
"It's not so bad for a relationship," said Susan Boone of the University of Calgary. “Keeping an eye on your partner is not healthy.”
This is the root of the problem. Cheating means different things to different people. Researchers can define infidelity, but everyone has their own idea of it.
“We mistakenly think that my partner's views on cheating are the same, but different people have very different standards,” says the researcher.
About 70% of people have never discussed this issue with their partner. Is, for example, treason visiting dating sites?
18% to 25% of Tinder users, for example, are in a serious relationship. However, actually dating the people they meet on Tinder is probably cheating.
Not surprisingly, Tinder users who have a partner are more likely to have casual sex.
The survey participants on whether they believe that their partner had ever cheated on them could interpret infidelity as they please.
Some consider only sex to be cheating, for others - flirting is also cheating. But this 5% statistic is even more surprising. While admitting treason within such a broad framework, we, however, believe that our partners are not cheating on us. Where does this exceptional optimism come from?
First of all, it is difficult to determine emotional infidelity. Such things often happen at work, where the intersection of professional and personal interests leads to very close relationships.
On the subject: 10 body language signals that may indicate partner cheating
It is not surprising that the transition from innocent friendship to something more intimate often happens almost imperceptibly.
In one study, women aged 30-40 years with a regular partner admitted that the line between innocent relationships and something deeper with work colleagues is often quite blurred.
“Frankly, I look forward to seeing him at work every day,” said one of the study participants.
“I feel like a stupid schoolgirl, but it's really a feeling of falling in love when you see a person and your heart starts beating faster.”
Many of the respondents agreed that physical intimacy is not necessary for the sensation of emotional betrayal.
When you hide something from a partner, trust another, and even think about another person instead of your regular partner, all this can be attributed to emotional change.
And considering how much time we spend at work and how close relationships often arise with colleagues, all this is quite natural.
But respondents also noted how important it is to trust your partner and talk with him.
“I work as a fitness trainer, and physical contact in my work is inevitable, - said one of them. “It is necessary to discuss this with your partner and explain to him that it will not go beyond the performance of work duties,” the woman said.
If you want to learn more about your partner's attitude towards infidelity, look at his friends.
The more people in your environment who, in your opinion, have cheated on your partners, the greater the likelihood that you, too, are changing or can do it once.
Indeed, in matters of adultery, we surround ourselves with people similar to ourselves.
Of course, most people in monogamous relationships think that cheating is morally bad.
But, if the betrayal did happen, should one immediately admit one’s guilt?
Surveys show that more than 90% of people would prefer to know the truth.
Many of those surveyed believe that maintaining trust is more important than protecting the feelings of a partner. But whether this is the best way out of the situation in reality is another matter. Adultery is the number one cause of divorce in the United States.
Acknowledging infidelity will obviously hurt your partner, but people react very differently.
Psychologist from the University of Alabama Greg Tortoriello explains that everything depends on a person’s personality.
Some people may react very badly to failure. Most often this happens with daffodils with a heightened sense of self-esteem or, on the contrary, painful self-doubt.
During the study, both types reacted aggressively to adultery, even if it did not contain physical intimacy, such as a telephone conversation late at night or a response to a message in a chat.
On the subject: What I realized when my husband left for a younger woman
But if self-confident daffodils usually threatened and tried to demonstrate their power, but did not hold negative emotions for a long time, then vulnerable daffodils are capable of holding a grudge for a long time.
“Vulnerable narcissists may not speak to their partner for extended periods of time and behave in a disruptive manner. If your partner belongs to this type of personality, I would suggest, under any conditions, to find a way to communicate with him, ”adds Tortoriello.
Change is easier to forgive if it was an isolated case.
Although most people say during the polls that they would have immediately abandoned the wrong partner, in reality, this is far from being the case, say the researchers Tortoriello and Boone.
"Sometimes this is the end of the marriage, but not always."
Now Tortoriello plans to gather real facts from life, primarily to explore both sides in a pair. Do our partners consider us more wrong than we really are? Do they consider betraying innocent flirting and so on?
However, one thing deserves attention. Despite the fact that the probability of cheating during your life is quite high, the chances that it will happen to you at a certain time are, on the contrary, low.
And, therefore, to waste your time on it right now is obviously not worth it.
