Three reasons to give up 'positive thinking' and stop visualizing dreams
'30.03.2021'
Source: Adme.ru
In modern psychological science, there are many different branches and directions, and positive psychology is one of them. Specialists who work in this field tend to switch the attention of clients from bad to good, from weaknesses to strengths, from failures to achievements. It would seem that positive psychology is ideal, but not without reason they say: everything is fine, in moderation. In the article Adme.ru examples from the life of friends of the author who decided to try the techniques of positive thinking are given. What happened - read on.
1. The constant desire to think positively can lead to loss of sensitivity
Even the most positive person in the world will not be able to completely remove the negative from his life, smile in spite of failures, or get rid of communication with toxic people. And these phrases sound more like slogans, and not as recommendations of serious psychologists.
Perhaps one of the first to follow the rules of positive psychology was the philosopher Socrates. Everyone knows that his relationship with his wife Xanthippe was far from ideal: the sage's disciples accused the woman of a nasty character and ingratitude to a brilliant, kind and patient person. Socrates really possessed all of these qualities and treated life's turmoil simply, and sometimes carefree. But how can one not understand Xanthippus, on whose shoulders Socrates entrusted all domestic issues related to the maintenance and upbringing of their children, and at that time he trained in himself patience, moderation and virtue? The behavior of the philosopher was often distinguished by eccentricity and even some folly.
Constantly programming yourself for exceptionally positive feelings can play a trick in the future: there is a chance to stop experiencing any emotions. If you constantly restrain negative feelings, do not allow yourself to be angry, upset or sad, sooner or later all other feelings also become dull. You can deceive the mind, but not the body. The body responds to any experience as a threat. Suppression of feelings does not bode well for health.
Every person at times is sad or trembling with anger, but from childhood we were taught to control emotions, share joy and apologize for anger. But to investigate your feelings, to pay attention to the experienced inner experience is a very important skill. Emotions can reveal what is really valuable to us.
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Psychologists do not divide feelings and emotions into good and bad. Moreover, both of them help us to deal more effectively with a certain situation by correctly responding to it.
- Staying in a state of sadness, sorrow helps to survive the loss and let go of the situation in order to turn it into a memory.
- With the help of anger, we defend our personal boundaries, defend ourselves against unscrupulous people.
- Fear is a normal response to a threat, a guide to saving health or even life.
One woman tried to follow all the principles of positive psychology, so she noticed only good things in her husband and did not pay attention to his utter indifference to common matters, turned a blind eye to betrayal, insults and aggression. As a result, after 10 years of family life, the husband went to another, and she continues to blame herself for not being loving and cheerful enough.
But there is a flip side to this issue. 42-year-old Leonid turned to a therapist complaining of total loneliness. It turned out that he had been getting rid of toxic people all his life, clearing his psychological space of negativity. It is not surprising that as a result of such an approach, there were practically no close people left in his life, because those around him were not always in a joyful mood.
Young mother Alena started her health due to shame in front of doctors during childbirth. Following the advice of experienced friends, she forbade herself to complain and experience pain, focusing on the happiness of having a baby. As a result, an untimely appeal to specialists turned into urgent hospitalization for Alena.
Such an irresponsible attitude towards your body can lead to the most unpleasant consequences. It is very important to keep in touch with your body, and not pretend to be healthy if it is not.
2. Vain expectations of the results from the application of techniques of positive psychology can lead to despair
One of the recommendations of life coaches is to visualize your dreams. In their opinion, using positive visualization, you can program your brain to achieve what you want. The mental representation of what you want to get affects your consciousness, feelings and emotions, and therefore the current reality, positivists say.
One woman loved to visualize her dreams even before it became mainstream. Once she imagined her future husband: it was a handsome, tall pilot. The lady really believed in the power of visualization and began to wait for the fictional groom, sweeping away all the real suitors who showed interest in her. Now she is 56 years old, she never married, and the imaginary pilot must have landed his plane somewhere in another city. Needless to say, the woman lost faith in the power of visualization completely.
Dmitry has long dreamed of a position in a large financial company. Friends advised him a famous coach, and he promised a 100 percent guarantee of achieving results. Dmitry carried out all the recommendations of a specialist: from morning to night he created a visual image of the future, concentrated, breathed, thought positively ... But the position was given to the son of the general director. Now Dmitry goes to a psychotherapist: he treats depression because of crashed hopes for the 100 percent result that the coach promised him.
3. Relying on the effectiveness of positive thinking, a person relieves responsibility for the result
As they say, dreaming is not harmful. But perhaps it’s worth being prepared for the fact that not all dreams come true. Moreover, if you spend all the energy on visualization and a positive attitude, then it will not remain at all to achieve the goal. You can send signals to space all your life and wait for the Universe to respond, but you can’t do anything yourself.
Grandmother often said to Vladimir: “You grow up, granddaughter, become the boss, and then marry a rich girl. The main thing is to believe in good, because thoughts are material. ” Only my grandmother forgot to add that you need not only to believe, but also to try yourself. Now Vladimir is 45 years old, he lives in an apartment that he inherited from his grandmother, is interrupted by casual earnings and is still “sending signals to space”.
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Peter dreams of winning the lottery for many years. Once he read about the power of positive thinking, visualized his jackpot and even managed to correctly distribute the winnings, but only in his imagination. If Peter directed his perseverance and determination into business, he would have earned more than the amount of the winnings he was dreaming of.
So what is the use of positive thinking?
Firstly, it is worth noting that positive psychology and positive thinking are not the same thing. Psychology is a science, and positive psychology studies the pleasant aspects of human life, such as love, happiness, joy. As for positive thinking, it is often preached by people who are very far from science.
- Positive thinking is helpful in moderation. For example, in difficult life situations, when a person needs to make an important decision. At such moments, it is better to recall your accomplishments than to give up and become discouraged.
- It is clear that dealing with a positive-minded person is more pleasant than with a dull person. But even the cheerful Polyanna, the heroine of the novel of the same name, Elinor Porter, allowed herself to be sad.
- Positive thinking is a good way to reflect, analyze, study your needs in order to determine the final result and make a plan for its implementation.
Have you tried positive thinking techniques? Maybe you were able to achieve the result using visualization? Share your positive experiences with us.
