14 accurate signs of emotional abuse in the family and relationships
'09.01.2020'
Source: The Daily Mail
Crimes related to domestic violence continue to be one of the most common categories in America. A person living with a rapist is in a dependent relationship: he is connected with the criminal by fear, his own guilt in what is happening, writes The Daily Mail.
Emotional abuse does not leave bruises on the body, and is perceived by many as “features” of the abuser's character or part of family life, especially if the parents' family had a similar history. Getting out of a codependent relationship and ending emotional abuse is very difficult, but real. The sooner you do this, the less you will suffer. Therefore, it is so important to know the signs of violent emotional impact.
1. You are mocked
Your other half loves to tell “funny” stories with your participation - whether it's discussions about how badly you drive / think money / cook, or how you look or behave at public events. If you object, you are accused of not having a sense of humor or excessive sensitivity. How to determine? As a rule, there is an awkward pause in society after such a joke, and only your partner laughs.
2. You are guilty all the time
You feel guilty or ashamed, not understanding why. You are too closely monitoring your every step and word, so as not to give your partner a reason for criticism. But it does not get any easier - he will always find a reason. The irony is that soon you will be to blame for everything that happens to him, including drunkenness and assault.
3. You suddenly need "protection"
The partner asks you to take pictures with the people you meet, or arrange a curfew on returning home - not a minute later. He says that he just cares about you. But in reality - it just keeps you on a short leash that will shrink day after day.
On the subject: How a Russian woman in the USA called the police because of her husband’s assault and how it ended
4. He makes wide gestures
When an abusive partner knows that he has crossed the line, get ready for luxurious gestures - expensive gifts, chic restaurants, unexpected bouquets of flowers and declarations of ardent love. The gesture buys your silence, and your part of the deal is not to insist on clarifying the relationship.
5. He is engaged in gaslighting
Gradually, you begin to feel inconsistencies - the partner contradicts what he said before, or it seems to you that he is simply lying to you. He can deny that you clearly remember (words, deeds), and does it so convincingly that you begin to doubt yourself (this is intended).
6. He kills your hopes
You come home in pleasant excitement - you have been given a new project, you have an amazing opportunity to realize yourself. Your partner will immediately do everything to arrange a “cold shower” for you: he will tell you why all this will not take place and will not succeed. As a result, you stop sharing joys and ideas, knowing that they will not be approved.
On the subject: Lawyers, psychologists and millions of dollars: how America helps victims of violence
7. He criticizes your appearance.
When you met, you liked the way he comments on your appearance. Over time, this has changed - now this top is not suitable for you, you have recovered, and what happens to your hair in general? Attempts to object are argued by your hypersensitivity.
8. Such people have no sympathy.
If you talk about a problem at work, you “overreact” and “have to get over it.” The point is that you are not allowed to complain - you must focus on your partner and their concerns. Some emotional abusers disappear when you need them the most, or become overly critical.
9. You are always wrong
Regardless of what you said six months ago, on Tuesday, at 09:05 am, he will remember these words to you at any other time, accompanied by an assessment of your mental abilities and recalling your “crimes”. They may reproach you for what happened before you met him (for example, in a past relationship).
10. He closes the wallet
Controlling you financially is the classic tactic of an abusive partner. Perhaps he started with advice that really helped you sort out your debts or be more responsible financially. But it increases the pressure. And if there is something that you want, especially if it is connected with potential independence from it (career growth, a weekend with friends), he will find a reason why you cannot afford it.
On the subject: Captured by a narcissus: how to recognize psychological abuse and end a relationship
11. Other people are involved
Your friends and family become “insulting”, “attacking” or “trying to bypass” your partner, and you are under pressure to take his side and eliminate contacts with those who could open your eyes to his behavior.
12. People think you have changed
People who care about you say that there has been a change in you - you have become quieter, more secretive, or just “not yourself”. They wonder why you rarely go out or why you changed your dress code. And you find it difficult to give them a clear explanation.
13. You look forward to the evening alone
You noticed that it became easier for you one fine day when your partner was not at home - you had an evening for yourself. He says that he needs to go on a business trip, and you look forward to it.
14. He boycotts you
Your partner may emotionally turn away from you for several days - without looking in your eyes, without talking, without trying to explain (while emphasizing in every possible way that you are to blame). He may even disappear for a couple of days, citing the need to have "personal space." But you will never know what is really going on.
