Twelve Signs Your Husband Is Sitting Around Your Neck
'16.04.2021'
Source: lady.mail.ru
Columnist lady.mail.ru Julia Verklova offers to distinguish great love from female sacrifice, multiplied by male arrogance.
In feminist discourses about mental burden, I am usually on the side of men. Feminists are unfair when they say that husbands do nothing without reminders. Ok, maybe the man would never guess to put freshly washed dishes in the cabinet if he was only asked to wash. But then the woman has no idea why the knives never go dull in the house, the bulbs do not burn out, the Internet does not turn off, and the toilet paper does not end ... Is it so, huh?
Everyone in a married couple does a lot of small, unnoticeable, perhaps tedious things for the greater good. Everyone, not just the wife! But this, of course, is normal.
How to understand that the relationship went beyond the norm and the husband sat on his neck and hung his legs?
1. He cannot wake up on his own by the alarm clock.
He needs a special woman who wakes up early, cooks breakfast and wakes up. To ensure that he is not late, a special woman must also. And to blame for his lateness, of course, she is.
2. He always runs out of clean shirts
And he does not remember where the second sock (the first is under the bed) and cannot have breakfast without supervision.
It’s okay if you agreed that washing and ironing is the wife’s responsibility. But make sure that things get in time for washing and ironing, each in a condition independently.
If the husband, waking up in the morning, crawls into the closet and exclaims hysterically: “Do I have ironed shirts?” Is an attempt to load a mental load on his wife. Did you stroke them? No? I asked my wife to pet? Also no? Do you know how many shirts you need for a week? No ... It’s logical to assume that you don’t have ironed shirts. It is illogical that the question is addressed to the wife. This is not her shirt! And not even common.
3. You buy him clothes
From suits to panties ... It doesn't matter who earns money for it. An adult is able to monitor the wear and tear of his own wardrobe on his own. These everyday little things, which cannot be foreseen in the calendar, are the “mental burden” that everyone should carry in their skulls and not throw on their partner.
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4. He is buying you clothes
This, of course, is not about pleasant surprises such as lace underwear for no reason or a cashmere coat for 8 March ... But if on a regular basis a man decides what you can and cannot go in, this is an abyss.
5. He constantly breaks your plans
You bought theater tickets in three weeks, but on that very day he "had to stay at work." You asked him to go to the parent's meeting with the child, but he forgot. Just forgot. You have been saving money for family vacations all year, and with a wide gesture he spent it on his mother’s anniversary.
Of course, force majeure can happen in any family. But if they happen constantly, then the husband became insolent.
6. You constantly apologize for your husband’s actions
"Forgive him, he said too much yesterday", "Don't pay attention to his words, he drank", "Sorry, I didn't remind you to take your passport with you." Or: "It was I who brought him to betrayal", "I could not inspire my spouse and prevented the development of his talents."
In fact, this is the objectification of men. As if they were not able to do anything without external control.
7. You constantly give in and take offense
In the notorious debate “who will do the dishes after dinner,” you proudly summarize: “Again, I.” And wash.
Are we going to the mother-in-law's dacha or are we going to the cinema? - To the mother-in-law. But you are offended. The husband got into bed with unwashed legs. You turned to the wall and sighed tragically.
As a result, a man lives in a way that suits him, and a woman is offended all the time. This is her hobby. If she tries to insist on her own, what will happen? In the worst case, the husband will be offended. In the worst case, a break in relations is possible. But why do you need a relationship where you are offended all the time?
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8. He has serious problems. Always
Alcoholics, drug addicts, gambling addicts are simply created to sit on a wife's neck. Less pathological, but very common types of backsliders: chronic unemployed, unrecognized geniuses and people with a fine mental organization. "He won't survive without me" and "This is my cross." Over time, a man gets used to thinking that the truth will not survive without you.
The wife makes sure that he takes medications and changes socks on time, the wife sends out his resume and arranges interviews. A man is her child, who must be cured, raised and released into people. The paradox is that if the husband suddenly becomes a normal person, nothing else will bind you: grown-up children must leave the parent's nest.
9. You talk with friends only about him
You have turned into Chekhov's Darling, who has no thoughts, opinions and even her own deeds. Answering the question "how are you doing" - you talk about the affairs of your husband. And you are not talking about your health - about your husband's. And even you discuss the elections in the format "And mine said that ..."
10. Your mood depends on his mood.
In principle, it is normal to be upset when your husband is in trouble, to be happy with him and be sad with him. But if you got a promotion at work and won a box of donuts in the lottery, and your husband just today decided that life is a pain, you don't have to get discouraged with him. Empathy should be mutual.
11. His needs are more important than yours
"Will you finish the cake?" He asks out of politeness. And you see that he himself wants a cake, so you won't. In general, he knew your answer in advance.
12. He divides work into male and female
As you know, men's work is to plow the land and fight in war. The rest is female. While there is no war and land, the man is in standby mode. Don't forget to wake him up when the war breaks out, and stroke his chain mail beforehand!
