Important Phrases Every Girl Should Hear from Dad
'07.04.2022'
Source: Lisa.ru
Sergey Kitayev, father of two daughters, told Lisa.ruthat you must tell your daughter so that she grows up happy. Further - from the first person.
Personal History
That summer, I brought my daughter to tears every day. Masha was four years old, I had separated from her mother shortly before. My friends and I launched a pizza delivery business. To say that it was difficult is to say nothing. It was unbearably hard. The money was flowing away. The cooks were capricious. Refrigerators were breaking. Clients screamed. Lenders demanded. Partners gave up. I rushed about the blazing hell and tried to extinguish it. In the evening I got into a car or a motorcycle and delivered orders until nightfall. We started badly, but I was hoping to turn our fortunes around.
Feeling my mood, fate complicated the circumstances. The ex-wife's parents had a serious accident, and she left for them in another city. Daughter Masha moved in with me. I had to take her to work after kindergarten. I was late, she was always the last of the group, sat and cried in the locker room. Then our chef, cheerful and immense Zhanna, fed her with delicious pastries and entertained her as best she could. But when I went to the next client, Masha shouted that she wanted with me, and cried until I returned. We came home after midnight, I could not even read to her - I just lay down next to her and fell asleep before my daughter, often under her sobs.
Then they took away my rights for crossing double solid. Soon there was another delivery in delivery, drivers were not enough. I got behind the wheel again and immediately got caught by traffic cops. The judge punished me with five days in a cell. Fortunately, at this moment the car returned mom. By winter, our business has closed.
Several years passed, Masha went to school. Once she asked me to tell in detail about my profession - an essay was asked at school. The answer “a person without definite occupation” did not suit her, as well as “sometimes a producer, and sometimes a screenwriter”. Children need something concrete, and we agreed on a "dad - freelancer."
“I wish you worked as a pizza driver, as before,” Masha said suddenly. - This is a good profession. Not like a freelancer.
I learned that she still remembers the focaccia that cook Jeanne did. And that in the kindergarten she was offended by the boys, but she told them that her dad would soon “be thrown out of prison,” and the hooligans had become quiet, and it was great. And that we had a cool logo. And how fun we had the time. She warmly listed a bunch of parts and did not remember anything bad. The time I regretted and for which I felt guilty before Masha remained in her with a scattering of happy memories. They warm it and will warm it, the daughter can always return to them in difficult moments.
Whether we realize it or not, we bring up children every moment of our lives. Our every word and gesture is important. Moreover, they may have completely different consequences than we predict. Happiness, oddly enough, is not necessarily associated with a cloudless and carefree life. So what should you say to your daughters today to make them happy tomorrow?
"I believe you"
When I ask a woman if she needs help and she says no, I hear it and step aside. Then it turns out that help was needed, but I "offered it wrong." I do not want my daughters, Masha or Asya, to grow up such women. I think we will all live easier and happier if we learn to take the words of loved ones literally, and not look for subtexts. And we ourselves will begin to say what we think and feel. How many things we do wrong just because we are trying to read other people's thoughts and predict reactions. Instead of just asking and accepting the answer.
I do not bring my daughters to clean water, even when I clearly understand what they are doing. I think this gradually teaches them that it’s frank to be profitable. If papa sees the situation as it is, he will come up with something; if not, you'll be alone with the problem. In the adult world, everything works the same way.
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“You can't upset me”
I remember how I heated the thermometer on a battery simulating the temperature and erased the tails of triplets in my diary with a Neva razor, correcting them to fives. I was very afraid to upset my parents. If you know then that it is my illness that will really upset them, and not the desire to sleep longer.
I often tell my children these words: “You cannot upset me. All your grades, future USE, relationships with unworthy boys ... Of course, I will sympathize and try not to discount any nonsense that seems to you the end of the world today. But in reality I will be sad if for some reason you cannot just sit next to me and tell everything. " I hope that in the future, too, girls will not think of giving up something important to them because it might upset someone.
"You're doing fine!"
In Chazelle's debut (and best) film "Obsession," the tyrannical conductor Terence Fletcher tells his student: "There is no word in the world more harmful and dangerous than" well done. " Too many parents agree with him. Being completely ordinary (sorry if it's you), ordinary people, they burden their children with their exorbitant ambitions. The most harmful words in the world sound like a refrain from a recent hit: "Everything that I could not, I dream to embody in you!" The coach may be forever unhappy with the student, but not the father. Being a stern judge is not the right role for a parent. Trust someone who was praised very little in childhood: the child will instantly believe that he is not good enough. But to be convinced of the opposite, it will take him a long time.
Fathers, you need to admire and cheer, admire and cheer! Daughters look at themselves with our eyes.
“Come on by yourself”
In practical terms, the main task of parents is to quickly make it so that the child can do without their help. This long journey begins with a mental blow to his arm, which takes away a spoon from her daughter. Let him eat herself. I get pleasure when they refuse to help where they could not do without it yesterday. Although this is a sad note: soon, soon, old man, you will not be needed at all.
I arrogantly hope that household independence shapes character. Then next to them will always be those whom they choose, and not those on whom for some reason they depend.
"What dress do you want?"
From infancy he asked both what they would wear. And it always turned out that they have amazing taste. The ability to choose - the most important condition of peace of mind.
"Throw and try"
“Begin - finish it,” “took up the tug — don’t say that it’s not a lot,” say Masha’s grandmothers and mom, so that she doesn’t give up on music, continue to study English and go to another Olympiad. In response, I armed my daughter with the formula “the horse died - it fell down”. You need to try a lot when you find your own - you will understand. The case will be obtained, because I like it, and I like it, because you see progress.
I understand all the arguments about the fact that "it will continue to ride over the top." And I do not agree. Only true passion can give you enough strength to achieve something. Even if you do not grab stars from the sky, at least enjoy the process. You can throw anything and anyone. It's up to you to decide what to finish.
"Run"
I don't know what remains in my daughters' heads in the end, but I constantly tell them about how our body works. Probably because it amazes me myself how much we (our health, mood and even beliefs) depend on what we ate, drank, how much we slept and whether the sun is shining. Of course, blues can be experienced like rain. But it's useful to know that a banal morning run will throw serotonin into your brain, and you will become a little happier.
"Read"
The elder loves books, the younger one still resists - we will work on it. For me, the importance of reading is not even that it makes us smarter, develops imagination or helps to fall asleep. It is a pleasure, physically - like ice cream, wine and good music.
"Travel"
My job involves long business trips. I try to take my family with me. Asya was not even three years old, but she had already visited the Kola Peninsula, Khakassia, the Caucasus, the Baltic and Taimyr. Hopefully travel will become her habit. It seems to me that the realization of how huge and at the same time small our world is, how beautiful it is, adds color to life. And the difficulties and good people that we meet on the road make us brave and open.
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"Be friends with my sister"
With relatives this, unfortunately, happens not as often as it seems: the voice of blood is just fiction. But when a sister or brother is your friend, this is happiness, the best support in life is hard to imagine. I try to push the daughters to each other, I want them to love spending time together, although this is not just because of the difference in age.
"You are you"
One of the most difficult and important things is to admit that you do not know what the happiness of your child will be, that it can be very different from yours. I do not see him as my parents and daughters can not arrange my ideas about a happy life. But I try now, while they are still small, to take them with all the "cockroaches" - and, I think, this will also teach them something.
