10 rules French moms: tips from best-selling author 'French children don't spit food'
'02.03.2021'
Source: Bigpicture
All those who have children, dream that they sleep at night, without hysterics, take the word "no", behave decently in guests and restaurants and eat with appetite what they cook. And it would be good if they did all this not only under her mother's sensitive guidance, but also independently.
The author of the absolute bestseller "French children do not spit food" American Pamela Drukerman convincingly proved that French parenting methods help to cope with the majority of parental nightmares. Meet with them offers Bigpicture.
- Perfect moms don't exist
A working woman always strives to embrace the immense: to be an ideal mother and at the same time make a successful career. In fact, she works in two shifts - in the office and at home. The French have a favorite aphorism: "The ideal mothers do not exist." Do not try to be perfect. And this is the most important, fundamental idea.
Do not take the childhood of a child as the beginning of a marathon, the finish of which is university entrance. The French, of course, want their children to be successful, but they do not try to force the child to go through the natural stages of development by leaps and bounds. It is much more important to inculcate skills such as concentration of attention, sociability and self-control before school.
- You should always have your own source of income.
In America, for example, it is customary to believe in a fairy tale about a wonderful marriage as a synonym for a quiet, carefree life. French mothers are convinced that a woman needs her own source of income. The Frenchwoman quickly goes to work after giving birth, because she wants to know for sure that she will be able to provide the child with everything she needs, if she suddenly has to educate her. This position is devoid of romance, but it really helps to live.
- You can't devote your whole life to a child.
Maternal child care is a great illustration of the principle of infinity. This is such a voluntary eternal sacrifice. But the basis of French culture is an extremely important idea: any person (and especially a parent) needs time and space only for himself. To maintain balance in the family, it is extremely important that some part of your life should be yours only, belonged only to you. This can be any of your passion or communication with friends. If you devote all your time to the child, if your world revolves around it, it is very harmful and even dangerous - first of all for the child.
- From time to time moving away from the child, you become the best mother.
If the child gets used to the fact that you are always with him, are involved in what he is doing, he will not learn independence. Do not learn to be attentive to other people, to notice their needs, not to learn to empathize. It is very important to understand that this is not a radical position. The point is to calmly admit: if you spend all the time with someone - no matter how much you adore each other, you will sooner or later start annoying each other.
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- Forget about feeling guilty
There is no point in feeling guilty about your child for working. The main thing you can do is truly be with your child when you are free. Do not just attend a walk, chatting on the phone with a friend, but really spend time with the child. And also cultivate patience in your children. Do not jump up from the table if you work, and the child asks to see which tower of cubes he has built. Gently explain to your child what you are doing and ask them to wait a bit. Gradually, he will learn to entertain himself and deal with his disappointment. Only in this way will he know that he is not the center of the universe, and he will learn to grow up.
- Do not become a "mom taxi"
This rule is directly related to the previous one. Do not seek to compensate the children for their own lack of a huge number of circles and developmental activities. Parisian women, choosing extracurricular activities for children, always weigh how it will affect the quality of their own life. A mother who carries a child from one group to another all day long will never be called selfless in France. All the more to the detriment of work. They will say that she completely lost her sense of balance.
- In the relationship of parents there is a part in which the child does not participate.
At the heart of the family - a married couple. In France, the entire parental space belongs to the child only the first three months. The French call this period the "first hundred days." At this time, the child can sleep in the same room with the parents and even in their bed. But after this, the kid is taught to sleep in his crib and in his room. Your matrimonial bedroom should be the place that belongs only to you two. Children cannot enter their parents when they like. The child should know for sure - the parents have a part of life in which they are not involved.
- Do not require your husband to participate equally in household chores and childcare.
Even if you work as much as your husband (and even more), do not demand that he give home and children the same amount of time as you. Nothing but dissatisfaction and annoyance, it will not cause. In contrast to, say, American women with their feminist attitude, French women are rescued by old-fashioned pragmatism. General harmony in the relationship for French women is more important than equality in rights. This does not mean that men do nothing. French mothers believe that there will be fewer conflicts in the family if everyone has his own duties at home, albeit unequal in time and effort. It is better to hire a housemaid, and themselves once again have sex.
- The evening is the time of adults, and one weekend per month - “honey weekend”
All French parents once a month free weekends only for themselves. Neither work nor children are not involved. Send the children to the grandparents, take the babies with a nanny out of town, or go out of town by yourself. Lying in bed, sleeping, having a long breakfast and having fun, watching a movie ... allow yourself to relax and do nothing. The rest of the time, French parents are very strict in ensuring that children go to bed at the same time. “Adult time” is not a hard won rare privilege, no, this is a basic human need, parental right, if you will.
- Rule Ten: The boss is you.
The most difficult rule of French education. Decisions are made by me. I'm the boss. Not a dictator - this is essential (!) - and the boss. I give children a lot of freedom where it is possible, take their opinions into account and listen to their wishes, but you are at the top of your own family pyramid. Not children, not my parents, not teachers and not babysitters. Of course, it is difficult. This is a daily struggle. But children feel much more confident and calm when they know that an adult is at the helm. Learn to say “no” strictly and confidently at key moments. Learn to calmly but firmly tell the children what you will do now.
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- Favorite children's recipe from Paris
At the end of the new book by Pamela Drukerman “French parents do not surrender,” several recipes are given for children in a nursery in Paris. The children's nutritionist has adapted the amount of food for a family dinner; Each recipe is designed for two adults and two children.
Here is the recipe for pear-banana puree straight from Paris.
Purée de Poire et Banane
- 2 big or 3 small soft pears
- 2 banana
- lemon juice
- 1 / 4 cups of water
Wash and peel pears and bananas. Cut them into pieces. In a medium-sized skillet, boil them with lemon juice and water for 15-20 minutes on low heat. Stir occasionally with a spoon. Remove from heat and allow to cool for a few minutes. Pour the mixture into small cups. Cover and refrigerate before serving.
